Mi vida

Twinkle Twinkle

2012-01-31T13:54:00.003-07:00

Evangeline is just beginning to enjoy 'singing'.

This began over Christmas with her singing along with her cousin David to Jingle Bells and now she likes to sing Jesus loves me, Hush Little Baby, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Old McDonald and The Itsy Bitsy Spider.

Usually she shouts a long word, like supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, only its Twinkletwinkleitsyspidermcdonald...which indicates to me and Jon that she wants to sing all three of those songs.

I hope that she doesn't grow up to be tone deaf and unable to carry a tune like her mama!

How I Worship The King

2012-01-29T20:30:00.008-07:00

I am NOT one of those women who simply always wanted to be a wife and a mother For a lot of my life I didn't know what I wanted to be, but wife and mother never really crossed my mind.

When I quit my teaching job last spring and as I have even scaled back ministry work this year to focus on the two little disciples I have living with me it has been hard.

The work is hard.

The work is dirty.

I mean, doing at least one load of laundry every day, wiping poopy bottoms, getting spit up on, blending purees fit for toothless baby comsumption, doing dishes, baking bread, endlessly cleaning floors and putting away toys and saying "no" and keeping E in time out and putting Z down for naps and watching the clock eagerly waiting for nap time or for Jon to get home is not really my ideal way to spend a day.

Even the fun things, like playing with glitter and glue, walking to the park, giggles and tickles and cuddling and cooing can seem so.... unspiritual.

This was significantly harder when E was a baby and I was trying to figure everything out.

I really connect with God when I am teaching His Word, leading bible studies, mentoring girls and prayer walking the campus. I connect with God when I am planning trainings for our students to grow as leaders and missionaries and followers of The Way.

When I do these things, although they are outward actions, my heart is singing and praising and worshipping God.

Going to the park and playing with Mr. Potato head...not so much.

But, my kids are totally worth it so the majority of my time is spent at home these days. Trying so hard by God's grace to raise them to love their parents and love their Lord and love their neighbors.

One evening not too long ago, I was putting Evangeline to bed after a particularly naughty day and found myself praying something different with her at night besides the usually "Thank you God for mommy and daddy and Evie and Zachy. Thank you for Jesus. Amen."

Instead, I prayed this alongside my daugher:
"Jesus, Evangeline is very sorry that she didn't listen to mommy and daddy today. She is sorry that she threw a fit and threw her toys. thanks God for loving her so much, even though she sometimes misbehaves Amen".

With that Evangline, in her 'upset' voice told me firsthand how she disobeyed daddy that day. And then she said "Sorry God".

And so I continued praying

And Jesus, I am sorry too. I am sorry that I was not very patient with Evangeline today. Please help me to be more patient. And thank you God for loving me so much, even though I sometimes misbehave

When we go outside after Zachary's morning nap we look at the blue sky, the palm trees, the mountains and the sun. And we give thanks to God for his creation. Evangeline, in her sweet little two-year old girl voice, and me in my prideful 30 year-old woman heart.

When I am forced to endure 30 minutes of annoying Veggie tales random lyrics and silly stories (which Evangeline LOVES by the way) and I hear her say that God made her beautiful on the outside, but wants her to beautiful on the inside, I feel better about the messy hair and crows feet that I see looking back at me in the mirror.

When I try feebly and clumsily to explain to Evangeline who God is, and eventually land on "God is The King", and then I hear her say to me a couple of days later "God is the ONLY king" I am humbled in my heart by the majesty and glory of The Only King.

When all of these moments, plus a million more giggles and cuddles and loads of laundry and poopy bottoms fill up my day, I hear God asking me to worship him in a new way.

A way that is different.

And difficult.

To be perfectly honest, i am looking forward to continuing in vocational ministry, and adding back some hours next year or the year after. I have no problem what so ever with putting my kids in day care a couple of times a week. Especially with introverted E who really benefits from structured social time.

But, I am so thankful for the ways that God is teaching me to worship him in a role that is so, so pleasing to Him.

What a terrifying and beautiful and mysterious concept, that He doesn't just use paid ministers for his kingdom work, but that he uses stay at home moms, and working moms, to raise up little children into grown-up Sons and Daughters.

I am thankful that He has taken a role, the role of motherhood, that for me seemed so earthly and humble and....poopy...and shown me how important it is to be there to teach my little ones, and myself, things like repentance, and patience, and how to be worshippers of The Only King.

La casa de mis sueños

2012-01-29T19:35:00.004-07:00

When Iw as teaching Spanish, one of my favorite projects to do with students, both college aged and middle schoolers, was to have them create their own Dream House when we were learning vocabulary for the rooms of the house, chores and furniture. What was funny was that even though there were differences depending on whether or not I was teaching an 18 year old or an 11 year old, everyonel wanted movie theaters and swimming pools.

My own idea of a dream home has changed quite a bit over the years, but if you were to ask me 10, 5 or even 3 years ago what my dream house entailed I gaurantee you I wouldn't have said 1500 square feet, three bedrooms, dated bathrooms and popcorn ceilings!

Yet, now at the age of 30, with a husband, two kids, and one cat that describes La casa de mis sueños to a T!

Since Jon and I moved to Tucson 4.5 years ago, and began our journey in vocational ministry, I have wanted a home of our own but was resigned to the fact that we would never have one. Two kids later and a housing market that is in the toilet and things have changed.

I went from simply desiring a home to feeling like I was going crazy! We have toys filling up our living room, our kitchen table is our office, and I am so beyond ready to kick Evangeline out of our bedroom. We NEED a bigger place!

So we started by talking to a mortgage broker and seeing what exactly we could get pre approved for. I had been looking at houses online for awhile, in the price range I thought sounded right for us, turns out they were way out of our price range. Ha!

So I got a little discouraged thinking that we wouldn't find anything but a total dump way outside of town for what we could afford.

But, we kept looking. We talked to our good friend Billy who is a realtor and started looking at houses. I will NEVER AGAIN make fun of the lame remarks people make on House Hunters because I was doing the same thing!

Well, we did look at some 'dumps' and we looked at some homes that we could actually see ourselves living in. After our first time out with Billy we were both so overwhelmed we needed some Chipotle therapy afterward to debrief the experience.

All throughout this process, and even before,I was actively istening to God, and asking Him if he would indeed will for us to stay in Tucson and continue down this path. I personally felt at a crossroads where I wasn't sure I wanted to continue doing ministry and I dreamt of returning to the midwest to be near Babba Cindy and Babba Micky.

But alas, God spoke clearly into my heart that he intended to keep us in Tucson for at least a little bit longer.

So we kept looking, always going back to one house we saw on our first hunt and that is the house that we are due to move into at the end of February!

No it is not palatial. No, it doesn't have a gourmet kitchen. No, it doesn't have a swimming pool or a movie theater.

But, on February 25 it will be ours. Okay, in 30 years it will be ours when we pay off our mortgage, but whatever...

As we have gotten closer to our closing date, and as the savings in our bank account has been looking smaller, I have felt some slight conviction over whether this is the right Kingdom thing to do.

God has been teaching me a lot about necessity lately.

Like when I say "We have one car and two kids, we NEED A MINIVAN", I am reminded that although that would be nice, we certainly don't NEED one.

Or when I say "We need a bigger grocery budget so I can feed my kids organic stuff" I am reminded of the story on NPR of a mother in the Phillipines feeding her baby sugar water to help ease the hunger pains.

When I say "I need new mascara" I am reminded that of all the things one needs, mascara is certainly is not one of them and I don't NEED to wear mascara anymore if it really comes down to it.

The statement "I NEED A BIGGER HOUSE" is actually quite ridiculous when you think about it. One family of four living in a house our size is more than a large portion of the world gets to experience. I WANT a bigger house. I WANT to own a home. But do I need one?

No, no I don't.

So I am extremely grateful to our supporters and family and ultimately to God who has blessed us with such extravagance that we get to move into a 1500 square foot dream house with dated bathrooms and popcorn ceilings.

I fully comprehend what a luxury it is and can only pray that God would work powerfully in our lives so that we would use this extravagance for His Glory.

My kids love each other.

2012-01-23T14:45:00.002-07:00

An interaction of this type happens at least once a day. Knowing that I am to be punished for having more than one child- and so close in age to boot- with years of bickering and finger-pointing and wrestling and yelling and rivalry, I am cherishing these interactions while they exist :)

A Tucson Winter Craft

2012-01-23T14:21:00.004-07:00

I have seen lots of winter related crafty projects (like on my awesome sister's blog) and like the idea of seasonal projects with Evangeline but it seems kind of weird to do snowflakes and such right now when its 65 and sunny out!

So since all the citrus trees around have bright, sweet smelling, yummy oranges hanging from them right now, I thought we could make an orange tree. And a palm tree for good measure.

Crafts are not my thing. It is a stretch for me to do them with my daughter, but she gets really excited and focused and well-behaved during project time that it is well worth the personal sacrifice!

Here are the end results:

I got the tree idea from another site. I basically just painted the underside of E's forearm and her palm and then pressed it on the page to form the trunk and branches. Orange paint on the fingertip for the oranges, branches from some other sort of southwest tree outsdie to form palm fronds, and green tissue paper for leaves on the orange tree!

Since winter in Tucson is so lovely, we hit up the park a lot. Today we went to the park by the library and had a blast!

Evangeline is a little bit cautious on swings, but today she wanted to swing "into the sky" and chanted "Its such a beautiful day" over and over again.

Zachary just smiles and squeals with delight in the swing.

I have a dream

2012-01-16T11:16:00.002-07:00

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."2

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

Remembering Martin Luther King Jr today.

I am thankful that God used such a great man, thankful that even though there are so many injustices in the world, there are fewer thanks to MLK, thankful for the friends I have who are not white, thankful that even though many hurts have been caused in the name of Christianity I serve the Lord who is the King of racial reconciliation, compassion, adoption and freedom.

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T21:44:00.010-07:00

I did actually try posting this on Christmas Eve but then had some issues...better late than never!

Greena and Red!

Holding hands to pray. They like each other :)

Our friend Marina joined us for dinner and then to church. She is a Phd student in pharmacology and couldn't make it home to Ghana this year. Um, my baby is a chunker.

Me and my Sugar Plum Fairy

In true McCarty Family Tradition, we opened one gift on Christmas Eve. Evie and Zach opened theirs from Aunt Debbie and Deb, who happen to always pick out the best gifts. Evangeline got a cute outfit and little stuffed Cheetah which she insisted on bringing to church tonight and then to bed tonight. Zachy boy got an outfit and a hippo! But really he just wanted to eat the wrapping paper.

My Family. I love these people.

Sometimes with small children it would be so much easier if we just never left the house! Tonight we braved heading out to the Christmas Eve service at church, even though there was no nursery/child care - which meant the kiddos had to make it through a service with us, past their bedtimes. Although we did end up leaving early, it was nice to go. I love our church so much, I love every single member, even the few that I don't know. Seeing everyone tonight dressed up, with only the light of candles and white Christmas lights to illuminate their faces was lovely. I am thankful for the mommy friends I have there, for the elders who have invested in us, and for the commitment I see there to the Gospel, worship, social justice, fellowship and fun!

After Jon and I tucked our sweet little elves into bed, we cuddled by our Christmas Tree, opened our 'one gift' (Thank you Mom!) and then Jon picked up his spot in his current book, The Help and I set out to upload photos.

I love Jon and am thankful to be with him during the holidays, along with our two precious Ginger Snaps. And Chloe, of course.

Just for fun, here are some Ghosts from Christmas Past

The Tree our first year of marriage. Seamus the Cat (aka best cat ever, sorry Chloe) managed to knock every ornament off.

This Christmas Evangeline was with us. Barely. She was about the size of a poppy seed inside my belly. I didn't know I was pregnant with her until after the New Year!

href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i8FYTxikrM4/Tva1R1QbiVI/AAAAAAAABaM/3CHcWX4cDeE/s1600/DSCN2925.JPG">
First Christmas as parents of the most amazingly beautiful girl ever.

Last year. Evangeline was a true delight, and Zachary was in my belly!

Wedding Dress Shopping

2011-12-22T14:28:00.002-07:00

Shortly after Jon proposed, me and some girlfriends headed out to do one of the most special events of a girl's life: wedding dress shopping!

The dresses I had been trying on all day were all of a similar style. Kind of like this:

I knew exactly what I wanted and even found a dress I loved. Unfortunately this particular dress was out of my price range so we kept shopping, but I was sort of getting tired and a little frustrated when all of a sudden my fantastic bridesmaids produced a dress that was not anything like the ones I had already tried on. Although it was beautiful, I was hesitant to try it on because it wasn't really what I was looking for and wasn't the style I wanted.

Well, I tried it on and has a magical moment. Even though it wasn't what I set out looking for it was perfect. It gave me that special feeling, caused tears to come to my eyes and I just knew...

This is the dress I ended up with:

This is sort of what house hunting has been like for us. That's right, I said house hunting!

Although I never thought we'd get to a place where we can buy a house, God has been good to us (even though unfortunately so many homes are priced low because of the bad economy, which saddens us) and I am ready to move out of our delightful, although too small, rental.

After looking at lots of house we didn't like, and a couple we did like, it finally took us going back for a second visit for us to know which house we want to make an offer on.

It didn't have everything I wanted. Some examples are the bathrooms are 'old ladyish' and it is further from campus than we'd like.

It wasn't really one I was excited to 'try on'initially, but both times when we have been in this house I have had the same reaction that I did when I tried on my dress.

The second time we went, I actually teared up a little bit.

"This is our home" I thought.

Jon feels the same way...we can both just see ourselves living in this house and being happy there. It is a little dated in some areas and there are changes we want to make, but a friend told me that it is very special when you do those home improvement things because it just makes it more yours.

So, after Christmas we are planning on putting in an offer on our very first home!

This is scary for me because
1) it is a huge financial commitment. Money is the biggest area of anxiety for me, and to be honest most months we barely make it by the skin of our teeth.

2) it is a big commitment to Tucson. I am still hesitant to say that we are 'putting down roots' here. Buying a house will mean we have to stay in Tucson for at least a few more years.

But at the end of the day, we have discerned that God wants us to stay here for the time being and have felt his blessing in moving forward to buy a home.

We are praying that the buyer accepts the offer and that everything goes through. If not, well I guess we will have to keep 'dress shopping' :)

Here are some of the things I love about the house:
3 bedrooms. Right now Evangeline sleeps in our room, and I am SO READY to kick her out :)

Master bath. I just think it will be such a luxury to have our own bathroom, free from princess potty and bath toys and Thomas toothpaste.

Fire place. It does actually get pretty cold here in Tucson in the winter and a cozy fire place seems to make everything better!

Laundry inside the house. After having to put on shoes to do the laundry every day for the last 4.5 half years I am beyond thrilled by this feature!

The Backyard. It is not too big, there is a nice covered porch and patio, grass, and room for a garden! I haven't wanted to build a garden at our current house, knowing it was a temporary residence so I am quite excited about this.

665 extra square feet than what we have now! This doesn't include the laundry room and garage (yes, there is a garage!!!). Its not palatial by any means, but it will be perfect for our family.

I have been told by MANY people not to get emotionally attached to any home until the key is in our hands, so I am trying to put all this in God's hands.

But I am also really excited!

Big Sister, Little Brother

2011-12-22T13:22:00.004-07:00

Or should it be big brother?

Sometimes when we put Zachary up next to Evangeline, or when I see them in pictures, they look like the same size!

I was going through a lot of baby clothes and baby gear that we are either selling or giving away and got very sentimental as I was setting aside a several outfits from each little one that I want to keep, to remember that my rapidly-growing babies were once tiny little newborns.

I am just starting to see some hints of fighting between them, primarily because Evangeline is getting angry when she finds one of 'her' toys in Zach's mouth, covered in drool! I'm trying to instill the concept into her that nothing is hers. She has some 'special' toys that she doesn't have to share (like her blankie and Buzz Lightyear, etc..) but other than that everything is shared.

Tough concept for a two year old, but we'll get there!

Thankfully, most of the time she loves to take care of him, kiss him, hold him, sing to him and smile at him. She, like Jon and I, has started calling him "Zachy Boy"...pretty cute!

Seeing Evangeline in a new role, as a sister, has made me fall in love with her all over again. I know that having two babes so close in age will lead to some bickering, but I am praying that this girl I love so much and this boy I love so much, will love each other, too.

Ch Ch Ch Changes: 6 Months Old!

2011-12-02T10:18:00.003-07:00

My favorite son turned six months old on November 24th, what a great milestone to be thankful for on the holiday!

Over the last few weeks Zachary has changed a lot! Here are some of the things going on with little boy:

1) Learning to sit. He can sit independently for (very) short periods of time, and is getting better everyday!

2) Rolling over. Okay, he's only rolled over once, but whatever, he's a big boy and has a lot of mass to move!

3) Teeth. Two of them. This is one thing he 'did' earlier than Evangeline.

4) Sleep. Sleep GREATLY improved while I was at my parents house. He went from taking about four 45 minute naps a day to two long naps (at least an hour and a half, sometimes up to three hours) and a shorter nap in the evening. Overnight sleep is still a battle. He isn't wanting to nurse, he just wakes up a lot. But he has had some really amazing nights.

We have been back in Tucson for a couple of days and unfortunately his napping has regressed a little bit and he is back to waking up after 45 minutes of sleeping and not going back down. Praying that whatever magic was at Grandma's house transfers here ASAP!

5) Zachary has also had his first cold, which was not fun but Thankfully it didn't get too bad.

6) Eating lots of solids. He is gobbling up three meals a day now (we just recently added lunch and he finished it with no problem!) He has had pears, banana, prunes, green beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, rice cereal and oatmeal. His favorites seem to be prunes, pears and green beans. Evangeline always loved green beans, too!

At his 6 month well check he got his required vaccinations and is still measuring quite large!

Almost 20lbs, 29 inches long (I think Evie was 30 inches at a year - wowsers!). He is one big baby but thats perfect because there is more of him to love :)

One thing that hasn't changed, unfortunately is his poor flat head! He has had a very flat head in the back since about three months and we contemplated having cranial banding done (a special kind of infant helmet) to correct it but our pediatrician advised we wait to see if it got any better on its own. It hasn't, so she recommended we go ahead with the helmet. He'll have to wear this for about four months, which is kind of sad to me but I have seen lots of babies with them and they are still adorable1 This is primarily cosmetic so nothing really to worry about, but still kind of a pain!

His personality is still pretty much the same, too. Very social, very sweet. He loves to smile, squeal, laugh, cuddle and be held.

I can't believe we have had him for half a year already, he has truly changed so much and know many more changes are to come as the first couple of years of life are so transformational.

The last thing that changes: my love for him. It just keeps increasing!

Family

2011-12-01T10:32:00.006-07:00

Evangeline, Zachary and I went to my parents' home in Illinois for a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, with Jon joining us for the holiday. It was a great extended time for Evangeline and Zachary to enjoy their Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncles and Cousins. It was also very relaxing for mom, too!

There's nothing quite as wonderful as family, and the last few weeks were wonderful especially for Evangeline to get so much cuddling, playing, singing, helping, dancing, running and jumping with her family in Illinois.

Here are a large number of pictures:

Cuddling with Grandma (and Buzz)

Grandma and Zach

Evangeline helping Grandma fill the bird feeders

We had a super surprise party for Grandpa Mick and got a family picture. Jon says my eyes look weird in this picture but I was just trying to keep them open wide so that I wouldn't blink :)

My family has a tradition of going to Williams Tree Farm to get our Christmas tree. I haven't been able to go for quite a few years now, so it was nice t

Cousins! Evangeline had a great time playing with Cabe, Meriff, and Baby Sane Bug (a.k.a. Caleb, Meredith and Shane, who we affectionately call "Baby Shane" or "Shaner Bug")

Thanksgiving!

Uncle Chris and Uncle Warren with Jon. Evangeline really loves her Uncles, she even started requesting to pray for them at night (along with Uncle Ben, of course)

Zachary with Auntie Meghan

Enjoying a 'real' autumn. Cool weather, burning leaves, warm colors (and warm clothes). We had a wonderful time enjoying the great outdoors!

As Evangeline and Zachary get older, times with extended family becomes even more fun and more special. It is such a joy to see Evangeline so enamored with Grandma and Grandpa and to get along with cousins who are so close in age to her. We are looking forward to a long stay in Pittsburgh with Grandma Liz and Grandpa Tom (as well as the other Phillips clan) and returning this summer to Illinois!

My first Christmas post of the season!

2011-11-20T15:27:00.002-07:00

And its not even Thanksgiving yet!

I love the Christmas. I have already been sneaking in some Christmas music here and there (who knew that Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas made for such a great runnings song?) and am enjoying the red cups at Starbucks, thinking of what Christmas cookies I want to bake and starting my gift list for family and friends.

This year we will be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning in Tucson for the very first time, and Christmas day we will be driving to the airport in Phoenix to fly to Pittsburgh to spend time with Jon's family. I am excited to start some traditions with just our family at home and will also be missing being with our parents and siblings during this time.

In the midst of the anticipation for the season, I love this YouTube video. Even though all of our gift giving is done on a limited budget, this video still convicts me and also encourages me.

Consumerism, especially around Christmas time, has always made me feel a little bit ill, and I am constantly trying to find the balance between enjoying the celebration and festivities and feeling like I need to spend and buy and go over the top.

I hope to relish all the Holiday season has to offer and celebrating the birth of Christ, without forgetting how Jesus lived, what he taught and what he asks of me as his follower. I also really want to instill these things into Evie and Zach from a young age!

I am excited to brainstorm some ways I can fully celebrate Christmas in all of its glory this year!

Fall Happenings

2011-11-06T14:57:00.004-07:00

This is a beautiful time of year here in Tucson, and the last couple of weeks have been filled with lots of fun in the Phillips household. Mostly because my children are amazing, adorable and so much fun. And I guess Jon is okay, too :)

Evangeline wants to do everything we do, here she is helping me bake bread (I gave her her own little ball of dough to roll out), stretching with Daddy after he came back from a run, and of course drinking tea. She gets out her tea set in the mornings when I am drinking my coffee and Jon is drinking his tea and pretends to drink with us. This afternoon I put a little bit of my Lemon Zinger tea into her cup - she loved it!

For Halloween we dressed Evangeline as a Wildcat Cheerleader. She at one point really wanted to be SuperWhy but it was easier on our schedule and our budget to just use something we already hat at home. Zachary had a banana costume and was so cute I could just eat him up, but didn't get a picture. Oops.

More tummy time for this little guy. Evangeline likes to join him. She lays down with him and says "My two babies!"

We went to the park to enjoy the lovely weather. I feel like the kids and I practically live at parks - they are perfect for family days, getting out of the house during the week, and play dates for us and our friends. And they're free!

Jon and I have also each enjoyed a pumpkin spice latte and salted caramel latte from Starbucks, taking lots of walks in the evenings, and are excited for all the fun and family the holiday season will be bringing!

More Thankfuls....

2011-11-02T10:58:00.003-07:00

I haven't really made a dent in my "one thousand thankfuls" yet, but have a bunch to add to my list!

As I am trying to help my little baby sleep and am feeling more frustrations and problems with different details of life, I think now is a perfect time to remind myself of what I am thankful for!

1. Andrea- A blessing to me when I was a college student, she is still blessing me with her amazing friendship. I am thankful she called me on Monday when I was having a crappy day and for all the ways she loves me and my family.

2. Kristin - a BFF from college - a phone call from her was also good for my soul as we were able to laugh with one another at how our adorable little babies are challenging for us!

In general I am very thankful for having such supportive friends and family.

3. Alexander Graham Bell. I couldn't have had these great conversations without the amazing invention of the telephone, as one lives in Seattle and the other in Phoenix.

4. A husband who is on the same page with me in parenting. Such a blessing!

5. Evangeline. More specifically the fact that she loves to cuddle and say "I love you" without any prompting from me. It is such a sweet sound to my ears to hear "I wuv you mommy". In the midst of sometimes feeling so inadequate in making decisions as a parent, I feel like I must be doing something right to have such a tender, kind, and loving little girl.

6. Zachary sleeping better the last two nights. Naps are still a disaster, but he is waking up less at night. Last night he only woke up at 2 am for about five minutes and then 4am to eat. After that he slept until 6:30. This is a great night for us!

7. Chocolate donuts.

8. Running. I am up to five miles now! I am training for a half marathon in January and al though my lack of sleep and schedule has led to some inconsistent training, I am proud of where I am . Running is good for my emotional state of being, and also where I seem to be connecting with God the most these days. It also helps in the "chocolate donut" department.

9. Cooler weather in Tucson. This is my favorite time of year here. Perfect park weather.

10. The Amazing Race. I love that show and it provides great entertainment for Jon and I one hour a week!

11. This blog. It is proving to be a great tool for procrastination this morning! But I am supposed to be writing a talk on Luke 16 for my students for tomorrow night. I better go....

Five Months

2011-10-27T13:51:00.002-07:00

Zachary turned five months old on the 24th. This is so cliche but I simply cannot believe how fast time is going!

Zachary continues to be very happy and cheerful, continues to love his sister and continues to melt my heart!

Sleep, well, sleep still isn't going too great but it is improving! Hooray!

I started giving him some solids at night (cereal and sweet potatoes and banana so far) but he just spits it out. But I keep giving it to him, figuring he is practicing and one day will be a great eater like Evangeline was :)

I love Zach so much, in a completely different way than Evangeline but just as intensely. I feel so incredibly blessed to have this little guy - he has already brought so much to our family!

Thanks God for a good day

2011-10-14T15:22:00.005-07:00

Its funny how parenthood, or life really, can give you a really bad day one day and a really good day the next.

The night before last was a rough night that ended in both Evangeline and Zachary wide awake and up at 4:45 a.m. I was tired all day, off our schedule, grumpy and the most productive things I did all day was change poopy a pull-up at the store (I blame the slow clerk for that one) and change back into my pajama pants when I got home.

Today, however I feel rested. I have managed to bake two loaves of bread, throw apples in the slow-cooker for applesauce, enjoy quality play time with my little ones and keep the house from becoming a disaster-area.

Also, today is the first day in a loooooooooooooooooooong time that Zachary didn't wake up after 45 minutes of his afternoon nap needing to be nursed back to sleep.

So while my babes are sleeping I am also managing to catch up on posting pictures and videos.

Here are my cuties doing cute things:

Evangeline singing Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater (see my last post about how E loves pumpkins!)

We started singing one of "Grandma Liz's songs" and Evangeline loves it!

I have decided to start giving Z a little bit of cereal at night. I wanted to wait until closer to six months but the boy is eating round the clock and growing so much I gave in. This was his first time trying it, last night. He didn't eat it so much as spit it out everywhere!

Long overdue - Happy Birthday Evangeline!

I'm glad that in general most days are good and I am able to enjoy the people and work in my life, even if regular sleep isn't a part of our lives right now!

Evangeline has just woken up and as soon as Zach is up we're going to take a trip to the library.

Thanks God for a good day.

Happy, Sneaky and Uncle Ben

2011-10-14T14:43:00.011-07:00

A couple of days before Jon's brother came to visit, I told her we were going to carve pumpkins with Uncle Ben and even though she had no idea what it meant to carve a pumpkin, every time we saw one she would exclaim "Carve Pumpkins Uncle Ben!".

Here are some pictures:

She has named them "Sneaky" and "Happy". I'm not sure which is which.

Since then, She is just really into pumpkins in general. We sing Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater over and over again at bed time. We have a 'lighting' ceremony every night for Happy and Sneaky, and we have indulged in yummy pumpkin panckakes for breakfast.

We had a great time with Uncle Ben, Evangeline loved playing the guitar with him, going to the zoo and just hanging out. She picks up her play phone a lot and asks me to call Uncle Ben for her - so cute! She will get to spend time with the rest of the Phillips family, including her new cousin Catherine, at Christmas.

Here are some other pictures from out time together:

My Favorite Four Month Old

2011-10-10T19:43:00.003-07:00

Awake pretty much every hour or two hours during the night.

Falls asleep being held and then wakes up crying as soon as we put him down.

Keeping me at nearly 5 months without getting more than a couple of hours of sleep at a time.

But....

I can't seem to stop falling more and more in love with this little guy!

Some New 'Tricks'

2011-10-10T14:27:00.003-07:00

Practicing her "disembodied" head routine!

Foot in the Mouth

Imitating Bjorn Borg

Putting on lipstick

Escape!

2011-10-06T13:57:00.004-07:00

I have recently been feeling the need to escape Tucson and visit one of my favorite places in the world: Flagstaff! It has meant some long car rides and lots of packing and unpacking - but well worth it!

We have taken two short trips up there in the last month and a half - both have been good for my soul as I spent time downtown for some 'alone time', had great family time at parks, read, cuddled with my favorite people and enjoyed nature.

Here are a few pics from our last visit, in the Kachina Wetlands!

My baby boy and I. Yes I know his legs are ridiculously long. Yes I know his socks are falling off. Yes I know he is absolutely the cutest thing on the planet.

Ducks, dragonflies, grass, mountains, trees and daddy. She was a happy girl!

Me and my cutie pie again!

I did it!

2011-09-26T13:59:00.002-07:00

I am so very proud of Evangeline - she is the best little two year old I know!

She has been doing beautifully since Zachary was born - really responding well to discipline, soaking up information like a sponge, developing a fun understanding of 'family' and 'friends' and our most recent development - potty training!

She has had trouble going in public, mainly because I can never seem to get her to a bathroom in an efficient enough manner!

It is so fun to see her proud of herself after each time she goes potty. She gets two fruit snacks and always exclaims "I did it!" in the most hilarious fashion! She hasn't had any accidents at home the last few days, but is still in pull-ups when we go out and overnight.

Here is a video of her saying "I did it!"

Of course she is not perfect. She still has her meltdowns (Hey me too!), is still on the long road of learning to share and is learning to ask nicely for things instead of demanding them. But I am very proud of what a lovely, potty-trained young girl she is becoming!

9 Months 4 Months

2011-09-24T14:21:00.008-07:00

Happy Four Month Birthday Little Zachy boy!

I looooooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee this little guy so much and even though he has only been in my arms for four months, I cannot imagine life without him.

He is the sweetest baby ever - he loves his mama, loves to be held, and loves to smile and laugh.

He follows his sister around the room (with his eyes, of course. The boy isn't mobile yet thank goodness.)

He is perfect.

And, oh yeah, he is in 9 month clothing now!

At his four month check-up we learned that he is:
17lbs 9oz (89th percentile)
28 1/4 inches long (off the charts, once again!)

I think Evangeline was 30 inches at 1 year, so this is a little crazy!

Here's a video of him not really doing much of anything at all, but to me and Jon its amazing! He's our son, he's healthy and happy and we love him.

Dear Zachary

2011-09-19T14:07:00.006-07:00

Dear Zachary,
We had you dedicated at church last Sunday, September 11, which was also your big sister birthday!

You don't know this now because you're still just my wee little babe, but our faith in Jesus impacts every area of our lives, and when your daddy and I say that we 'dedicate' you to the Lord, it means that we will be inviting you into that life, praying that God's Word and Spirit will get a hold of you as you grow into a young man.

These are some of the things you can expect to experience as our son, as we dedicate you, and our entire family and lives, to Yaweh.

1) We don't just go to church, we are the Church. We are living out God's purposes in our lives to know him more, and to bless others. You will get to feed the homeless with us. You will get to pray for those in need. You will share lots of meals with old and new friends that come into our lives. We pray for you Zachary, that you will grow to be a man who has God's heart for justice and Jesus' compassion for the hurting.

2) We don't follow the world, we follow God. This might be hard for you in your younger years because it might mean not having as many new things like your friends might have, and doing crazy things like traveling to third world countries, We pray for you Zachary that you will find joy in following God, and be free from the things this world has to offer.

3) We won't parent you with legalism, but instead with grace. We will teach you to obey and honor us, and we will teach you to obey and honor God - but we understand that you will struggle and stumble, just as we do. Jesus did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it. We pray for you Zachary, that you will experience the Grace of God through Christ Jesus, and that He will be the foundation upon which you live your life.

Zachary you are blessed to have wise grandfathers, Godly uncles and a strong father who are all men after God's own heart. I pray that for you as well.

I love you so much and I am so humbled and pleased that I get to be the one who firsts disciples you. You remind me, as does your name, that the Lord gives and the Lord remembers, thank you for being a symbol of his faithfulness to us.

Love,
Mommy

To see Evangeline's dedication, click here: Dear Evangeline

A Very Long Birthday Post

2011-09-17T09:31:00.001-07:00

When I asked Evangeline what she wanted for her birthday about a few weeks ago, she answered "Two Balloons"!

Our little baby girl, who is not really resembling a baby very much at all anymore, is two years as of Sept. 11.

I love to think back to that day. September 11, 2009.

The two main emotions were:
Fear: I was so terrified over having a C-section. I wondered if the fact that she was a footling breech was in any way an indication that my daughter would be very independent and headstrong. The answer, I have found, is YES!

Excitement: I was about to meet my daughter face to face!

Pretty soon my doctor was only about 15-20 minutes into the operation when I heard her first cries, when I heard Jon proclaim "She's here!".

My first two thoughts were - "I can't believe how beautiful she is" and "she's so big!".

I love my daughter so much. Since her birth two years ago I have had such marvelous experiences learning how to endure, how to rejoice, how to be silly, and how to read the same book 25 times in one day!

Right now Evangeline has a lot of interests, which is so much fun for me to see develop.

She loves...
Trains, planes and automobiles!
She builds 'cars' out of her blocks, wants us to draw planes on her Magna Doodle and loves taking the city bus..

Imitating mom and dad.
A lot of times this looks like her taking care of her 'babies' by bathing them, putting diapers on them, etc... She also will 'clean' and put on her hat and back pack and say that she is 'taking the bike to work, just like Daddy does.

Elmo.
Elmo, Elmo and more Elmo. She also really likes Super Why.

Talking.
Hearing her speak in complete sentences, repeat every expression and word we say is just about the most adorable and fun thing ever.

Underpants.
That's right, she is going on the potty more and more. Big thanks to "Duck Goes Potty" book, Dora the Explorer underpants, and Disney Princess fruit snacks that we give as rewards.

For her birthday party we had an English Tea Party. It was an intimate gathering (not many people can fit in our house), very relaxed and lots of fun!

Ready for lots of pictures?

The spread! I made scones and served them with jam, lemon curd, and clotted cream. Also cheese and crackers, hot tea, and iced tea.

The Cake! I made the same cake I made for her first birthday - strait from the box! It has three eggs in it and last year we were discovering her (mild) egg allergy and so she broke out in red blotches after eating her cupcake. This year no signs of it! We are hoping to re-introduce more egg into her diet now.

The guests! We were blessed to celebrate with our friends, and E's friends Keeley, Justin Jonah and baby Archer. Also our friends Rich and Melinda and Grandma Liz!

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The Presents! Evangeline was blessed with a leapfrog computer, Mr. Potato Head, puzzles, books Play-doh and more. This is the first time she has really understood opening gifts and it was really fun to watch.

These aren't from the party - but we were so happy to have Grandma here for the weekend!

Mrs. Potato Head

2011-09-16T09:46:00.003-07:00

Evangeline recieved a Mr. Potato Head for her birthday (2 year old bday post coming soon...) from her Uncle Ben, Aunt Amy and cousins David and Catherine.

She loves the toy, especially the glasses, and wears them all over the house.

When I snuck into her room last night to turn off her light before I headed to bed, I saw this:

Sweet girl fell fast asleep clinging to Elmo, Mr. Potato Head's glasses on, upside down of course.

3 Months Old today!

2011-08-24T13:01:00.004-07:00

Zachary is 3 months today. For all you Happiest Baby on the Block fans out there, that means he is officially out of the 4th Trimester!

Here are my three favorite things about Zachary:

1) He wants to be held.
All.
The.
Time.
This makes life difficult, especially when trying to get dinner ready or pay some attention to my eldest, but I see how fast my babies are growing up and so the fact that he wants his mommy to be holding him all day couldn't make me happier.

2) The way he melts my heart. Jon has always professed how he just can't say no, or won't be able to say no, to Evangeline. I have never felt like that. As deep and strong as my love is for her, I wouldn't say that I am 'wrapped around her finger' like Jon is. But when my son smiles at me. Oh man. I feel like I would give that boy ANYTHING in the world he wants. I guess that's just the nature of Father-daughter, Mother-son relationships!

3) The way he has made me a better mother. Having two children has been signifcantly more difficult for me. I can't imagine having three or more! God is using this new addition to our family to teach me patience, kindness and hard work like never before.

I haven't taken any pictures the last couple of days, but here are a couple of pictures that we had taken of him when he was about 6 weeks old.

By the way, if you live in the Chicago area, Check out the photographer who did our shots! Not only did she put up with our 'challenging' daughter, but she also put up with a mother who was freaking out about a family photo shoot not going perfectly!

Counting

2011-08-21T19:58:00.004-07:00

Evangeline seems to have, at least temporarily, forsaken her love for the alphabet for a newfound love of numbers. She loves counting to ten, with her favorite numbers being 2,3,5 and 10.

Here she is counting on one of her toys.

Zachary is learning some new things, too.

Such as how to eat a burrito...

How to sleep in with daddy...

And how to jam on the piano....

Life has gotten significantly harder recently since Jon is working about double the hours from the summer and I'm trying to squeeze in time between naps and nursing to work on campus. But these two little ones, however draining the day can be, fill me with joy and keep me laughing!

Someone Else's Words.

2011-08-14T13:29:00.003-07:00

In reading "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic I read two passages today that really stuck out to me, so I just went ahead and copied them here :)

Bodies
"Motherhood is a demanding job. It is so demanding and intrusive in fact that it takes over your body. It uses your body, often times rather roughly. You may have some weight to lose, you might have permanently damaged something during pregnancy. you may have big scars, stretch marks and loose skin that bothers you. You might not have time to exercise the way you used to. All of these things can be seen as an offense against us - against our bodies.

But our bodies are tools, not treasures.

You should not spend your days trying to preserve your body in its eighteen year old form. Let it be used. By the time you die, you want to have a very dinged and dented body. Motherhood uses your body int he way that God designed it to be used. Scars and stretchmarks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work"

Self
"The world has a very muddled perception of 'self'. They think and tell us to think that we are all little separate entities. That we might need to go off somewhere to get to know 'ourselves'. Marriages break up because they don't know who they are anymore, They need to find themselves.

But the Christian view of self is very different. Our essential self is not back at the intro, waiting to be rediscovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, you essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person.

If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognize yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out - look at the people who made you what you are - your husband and your children. Study them. They are you.

If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.

Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the 'others' will find that they are a very broken little thing. This will lead them to resent the people who they think made them that way. She may say, "I used to be energetic, but now all these people take, take, take from me and now I have no time to just be me!". And the world gathers around her and comforts her and says she needs some time to follow her dreams. But the Christian woman needs to see, "I used to be so boring! Now my character has some depth, some people to love, some hardships to bear. Now I have some material to work with"

2011-08-13T21:32:00.007-07:00

~~Man~~ Boy to Man

Paint and Love

2011-08-13T12:06:00.002-07:00

Evangeline did a painting 'project' today. Really I just let her loose with some paints and paper. I thought I'd catch some of the masterpiece on video, and also have her share some love with her relatives who live far away.

We frequently look at pictures of all her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and talk about them - hoping that she will get to know them even from a distance. She loves her grandparents most of all (especially the grandpas), and also her cousins and Grandma Cindy's dog Cubby.

I Got You

2011-08-11T08:08:00.005-07:00

Dear Jon
These last five years of marriage have been such a blessing to me. You have given me so much. Because of you and our life together...

I have a partner in life - some one who does the every day, nitty-gritty with me. Paying bills, doing dishes, changing diapers, running errands, eating meals. Its nice to not do these things alone!

I have real-life romance. Thank you for still pursuing me in the same way you pursued me when we first began dating. Thank you for valuing our time together, our relationship and our marriage.

I have two beautiful children. You have not only give me Evangeline and Zachary, but all the ways you love our little ones are really gifts to me, too. I couldn't wish for a better father for the two little people I love more than life itself. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being the kind of dad you are.

I have someone to lead me. I know I can be a feisty, stubborn, opinionated, sassy and difficult wife at times! Thank you for being so wise, Godly and strong in directing our family. I respect you so much.

I have someone to fight for me, someone to care for me, someone to laugh with me, someone to mourn with me, someone to work with me, someone to parent with me, someone to dance with me and someone to follow Jesus alongside me.

I have all of these things and so much more, all because I have you.

I love you and happy five year anniversary!

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

To celebrate Jon and I are going to enjoy a dinner (just the two of us!) at California Pizza Kitchen. We're thankful for children who are pretty good at going to bed and friends who will hold down the fort for us while we go out.

Whom I have believed

2011-08-07T12:18:00.005-07:00

Last week Jon and I and our two little ones spent some time at InterVarsity's Bear Trap Ranch in Colorado. What was intended to be a restful time of spiritual renewal, good conversations with fellow staff from our region, care-free family time and peaceful interactions with God, turned out to be exhausting and frustrating as we realized these things don't happen very easily with two under two.

Sleeping in a room together, skewed nap time and mealtime schedules, a couple of low-grade fevers and a newborn and toddler with constant and demanding needs made me feel more frazzled, made it difficult to engage in scripture study and made it near impossible to connect on a very deep level with either Jesus or my other staff friends.

I was on the verge of tears most of the week, mostly because I was sleep deprived, but also because I felt like I was being robbed of a spiritual experience, a sabbath. And I was lamenting not being in a place where I would get to encounter God.

But, my God is good to parents of young ones.

While I was up getting coffee during a break during morning bible study I had a quick conversation with a friend who is on campus in Colorado, who was also getting something warm to drink. Throughout the week of studying 1 Thessalonians we had been discussing themes of suffering, sharing not just good news with our students but our entire selves and lives, and inviting students and those around us to live risky but rewarding lives. All very challenging things. This fellow staff worker and I met up at the coffee pot and she shared how 2 Timothy 1:12 has been an encouraging verse for her - and it has been the one thing that seems to have impacted me the most from the week, that has stuck with me in my heart and mind.

"But I am not ashamed, FOR I KNOW WHOM I HAVE BELIEVED, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me"

As we begin another school year, and I prepare to share my very self with students who are at least ten years younger than me (yikes!); as I prepare to share the truth and freedom of the Gospel of Christ with believers and non-believers; as Jon and I wrestle with new challenges in our family life and budget - I must be reminded that it is because I know him whom I have believed that I am able to do it. God has made himself known to me. God pursued me and saved me and revealed himself to me and has given me faith and a calling.

I know him.

That is where my strength comes from.

If I were serving a God that I have never encountered, or had never encountered me; If I were serving a dead God, instead of a living one - then my motivation, my work, my life would be for nothing.

But as Paul wrote to his disciple Timothy
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

So here are two more thankfuls to add to my list:

9. I am thankful that God didn't need to use bible study or solitude in the woods to reach me - but instead during a quick dash for another cup of coffee and a trusted partner he encouraged me and spoke to my spirit. I am thankful he understands the life of a busy and tired mom and meets me where I am.

10. I am thankful for whom I have believed, and that I know him. It has transformed my life.

A Thousand Thankfuls

2011-07-29T19:52:00.005-07:00

I saw this on another blog recently (I can't remember which one!) and really liked the idea. I have a strong tendency to complain, which pulls me far away from my husband, children and God.

Throughout my life of complaining I have found that being thankful is the perfect cure. I don't think I"ll actually be able to get to 1,000 - but I'll at least start. My follow-through isn't the greatest!

Here we go, what I"m thankful for right now:

1. A husband who suggested that him and I do "crafts" together at night, a way of helping us to spend time together.

2. Living in the desert. Its scorching hot but beautiful.

3. Having a small home. 850 square feet ensure that I don't spend a ton of time cleaning, can always see and hear my children, and don't fall into temptations to hoard and buy, buy, buy.

4. Zach's smile.

5. That Evangeline was excited about the little "princess" potty we bought at Target today. We begin 'official' potty training when we get back from Colorado next week.

6. Going to Colorado next week! Cool mountain air, Rocky Mountain IV staff, lots of bible study and prayer time and horse back riding.

7. White wine

8. Our friends Rich and Melinda. They have a sweet swimming pool and have insisted that we invite ourselves over more to go swimming, I think we're going to give them a call tomorrow!

Ephesians 5:
...Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Only 992 left to go!

What are you thankful for?

Zachary "The Tank" Phillips

2011-07-26T19:13:00.004-07:00

Zach turned two months old on Sunday, and boy oh boy has he grown! Not only is he quite large physically, but he has also changed a lot in other ways. Here are my top 5 favorite things about the little guy, in no particular order:

1. He has an abundant supply of smiles for me. I always felt like (and still do) Evangeline made me work to get a smile, but Zachary loves to smile at his mama.

2. His eyes are the most beautiful shade of sparkling blue I have ever seen.

3. His coos.

4. How peaceful he is at bedtime. He takes a nice warm bath and then we just cuddle for awhile after Evangeline has gone to bed. There is such a calm between the two of us this time of day that I treasure.

5. How easily he goes to bed. He doesn't sleep through the night, but when I put him down between 7 and 7:30 he goes to bed like a dream.

At his two month well visit today the pediatrician confirmed that he is in great health, such a blessing for parents to hear this! We were not at all surprised to hear his stats, which were:

Weight: 14lb 10oz

Height: 25 3/4 in.

He is in the 90th percentile for weight, 99th percentile for head circumference and get this...OFF THE CHARTS for length. That's right. Not 99th percentile. Not 100th. OFF THE CHARTS! Not that we are surprised. The boy is a tank You can tell by looking at him that he is both large and long and has a big head.

We are not exactly petite people and don't expect to have small babies, but it is a little bit sad how big he is getting because it is a reminder to me of how quickly babes grow up. I have been a lot more sentimental this time around, knowing how fast the last two years with Evangeline have flown by and knowing there is always the possibility he could be my last baby.

I hold him more.

Rock him more.

Smell his sweet baby scent more.

Adore his deliciously chubby thighs more.

The deep, deep love that I feel for Evangeline is one of the strongest things I have ever experienced and I admit that I did in fact wonder how I could possibly love another human being the way that I love her, in the same quantity; but it is in fact possible. My heart is overflowing with love for my big baby boy.

I am a blessed woman.

Sometimes I Like to Curl Up in A Ball

2011-07-19T13:23:00.008-07:00

Not all children's books are created equal. We go to the library every Thursday for story time and not only does Evangeline have an opinion on what books she wants to read and take home, but as the person who reads and re-reads these books to her it is nice when we find one I like, too. Some are just really bad, but some are so fun!

We got this one last Thursday and I'll be sad to return it when we go back to the library this Thursday.

Evangeline keeps requesting to read "Up Ball". She likes to point out the "fouse" and the "turt" (mouse and turtle) as well as all the bugs. And it is a fun book for me to read her with great illustrations.

This morning at the park I ran into a woman who attends the same story time as we do. I've recently realized the incredible mission field of mommies and daddies that exists at parks and libraries and am hoping to get to know some of the women a little bit better. Here's E playing this morning:

And here's my baby girl brushing her teeth while driving. At least she's not texting, right?

And let's not forget my little man. He is getting so many fat rolls it's getting difficult to keep him clean. He loves hanging out in the wrap with me, laughing at the lion on his bouncy seat, being swaddled and getting his paci put back in his mouth by his big sister. I love every inch of him.

Reid Park Zoo

2011-07-16T14:33:00.005-07:00

We spent our Saturday morning strolling through the zoo with some friends before it got too hot out. Evangeline is sort of in love with "faffs" (giraffes to you and me) right now and so getting to see them and feed them carrots was probably the highlight of her week. It was fun to spend time with friends and enjoy a beautiful morning.

Her and J watching the Elephants.

Zach had a great time, too!

The jaguars were doing some cool tricks today!

Evie's a wildcat fan and wanted to wear Daddy's hat.

Feeding the "Faffs"

Fleeing the Paparazzi

2011-07-14T17:23:00.002-07:00

Melt My Heart

2011-07-14T16:50:00.005-07:00

The joy that such a little thing as a smile brings me is incredible! Little Zachary is a smiling machine lately and daddy and I are loving it!

Did you get your tickets...

...to the gun show?

Some other sillies from today:

Explosion!

2011-07-12T11:10:00.004-07:00

There has been a vocabulary explosion! The past couple of weeks, while we were traveling in the Midwest, Evangeline started picking up tons of new words. She had sort of 'plateaued' in terms of vocabulary acquisition for awhile and I think she is making up for it now. Here are some of her newest words from the week or so:

pool
crocs (as in the shoes)
cow (and 'moo' to go along with it)
home
farm
love
cat
eat
food
back
turn (as in "It's my turn, not cousin Meredith's!)
Bath
self
tea
play
milk
book
blocks
bed

She also started saying some other new words in Illinois that have more than one syllable, but only pronounces them partially such as:

Grandpa and Grandma
Caterpillar
Apple
Butterfly
Auntie Meghan
Caleb
Meredith

I love watching my little grow physically and intellectually, and I am hopeful that some of the frustrations that we both feel will be alleviated as her ability to express herself verbally continues to grow!

As for little Zach, he has started cooing and that is just about the sweetest sound in the world right now, at least to a mama's ears!

Adventures in Illinois

2011-07-08T14:14:00.005-07:00

Our family has been in Illinois spending time with my parents, brother and my sister and her family. We have spent a lot of time enjoying the cooler weather and the big yard full of soft, green grass but today we headed over to a petting zoo farm with my sister and her three kids.

I was very excited because Evangeline loves animals so much. Unfortunately, she didn't have the best time. She was scared of most of the animals so the idea of feeding them or petting them was out of the question!

She poured food into the dishes for the goats - we were really proud of her because I know she was really overwhelmed.

After being frightened by the baby deer, the sheep and the geese she finally found an animal she could get excited about! Here she is with her cousin Caleb making duck noises.

Here she is with cousin Meredith, who is much braver when it comes to farm animals!

First Evangeline ran onto the playground and was clobbered by a little girl swinging. She doesn't quite understand that you shouldn't walk in front of moving objects. Shortly after that she fell backwards off of the picnic table while we were eating lunch. She needed some extra cuddles today for sure!

At first she seemed excited when we asked if she wanted to ride the ponies, but it soon became a little traumatic for her and she didn't finish the ride.

After all of that excitement she fell fast asleep on the way home!

Of course Zach spent most of the day like this!

It has been great having Evangeline experience new things on this little vacation of ours, even if this trip was sort of a fail!

The Itsy Bitsy Spider

2011-06-24T20:34:00.004-07:00

Here are a couple of other pics from Grandma Liz and Grandpa Tom's recent visit:

One Month Old

2011-06-24T19:49:00.007-07:00

It's true. My little boy is already one month old. He has gotten soooo big and it has gone by soooo fast, I am already sentimental about my Zach growing up too fast.

I'm not sure of his length and weight as he won't visit the doctor again until he is two months, but trust me when I say that he is HUGE! The boy is growin' like a weed. His little chicken legs now have plenty of chubby rolls and he definitely has more than one chin.

It still amazes me and fills me with gratitude to think that at this point in his little life he was scheduled to have surgery for his kidney. He received an ultrasound on his kidneys the day after he was born and they looked perfect, and he has been perfectly healthy since then. We are so thankful that we can enjoy this time without the added burden of health problems.

Zachary is doing pretty much everything he is 'supposed' to be doing at a month: eating, pooping, peeing, and sleeping. He also seems to enjoy tummy time and can lift his head quite well and turn it side to side. He has given us little smiles over the last few days and will focus on my face. This last milestone happens to be my favorite and I just love gazing into his eyes as he gazes into mine.

The last few weeks have been heavenly. Although I seem to have a little bit of a setback in my c-section recovery (probably because I can't resist picking up my heavy toddler) I am just having the best time loving on my little guy. He is still waking up to eat every three hours but I don't even mind because I know that this time is so precious, so fleeting. I can actually barely stand to put him back in his bassinet at night after nursing, I just want to hang on to him a little bit longer.

Here are some pics I snapped today:

P.S. Here is a link to E's one month post! Evangeline is One Month!

Totally Worth It!

2011-06-22T09:07:00.005-07:00

Last Saturday some good friends and InterVarsity alumni were married and as much as I wanted to go, the idea of driving over an hour each way, hauling along little Zachary on his first long car ride, finding a baby sitter for Evangeline and sacrificing my 8:30 pm bedtime just seemed like too much even though I hated the idea of missing the wedding of these two lovely and special people.

Well, Saturday morning I changed my mind and thankfully we found a last minute baby sitter right away and so we loaded our wedding gift, diaper bag, and little baby into the car and headed to Florence, Arizona.

Although Zachary got really fussy in the car about 15 minutes before we got to the venue and Jon and I were both totally exhausted by about 7pm we had a wonderful time.

The bride and her friends were the first U of A students that I met, when I attended a Fall Conference with Jon as a volunteer the year before we moved to Tucson, while we still lived in Flagstaff. Long before I considered doing staff work myself. Before we knew for sure we would move to Tucson. I remember meeting this group of students and feeling incredibly drawn to them.

The bride and some of her girl friends went on to become my 'guinea pigs' as I learned how to be a good staff worker. I shared my life with them, I let them comfort me through my miscarriages, I drank lots of coffee with them, prayed with them and eventually watched them graduate, marry, move on to new jobs and new cities and new ways of changing the world in the name of Jesus as InterVarsity graduates.

So being there to watch Angela and Seth marry, reuniting with some good friends, and getting a night out with my hubby was totally with it!

Some very special young women and myself:

The happy newlyweds:

Zachary at his first wedding, I have to admit I got a little teary-eyed during the mother son dance!

Happy Fathers Day

2011-06-19T17:05:00.005-07:00

Jon is a wonderful father to Evie and Zach, I am blessed to have such a Godly, strong, loving, fun and dedicated man raising my children.

My own dad is also a wonderful father. He has sacrificed for his children, always been present, available and reliable. And, Evangeline seems to like Grandpa, or "Pa" more than anyone else these days!

Jon and Evangeline

Jon and Zachary

Father - Daughter Dance

Hold!

2011-06-16T13:16:00.003-07:00

Often times Evangeline comes up to me while I am holding Zachary and asks (well demands is more like it) "hold"!

This means she wants to hold him, so we sit her on the sofa and sort of place him on her lap. She also loves to give hugs and kisses and play with his hair. Here are some pics of her doing just that this morning!

Baby #2

2011-06-10T16:48:00.004-07:00

Baby #1

2011-06-10T16:44:00.002-07:00

My Cool Kids

2011-06-05T16:23:00.004-07:00

Evangeline rocking the high pony tail:

Zachary rocking the faux hawk:

Together, rocking their new roles as brother and sister:

Zachary Jonathan Phillips

2011-05-29T11:05:00.010-07:00

There are really no words that I can come up with to tell of the emotional, physical and spiritual experiences of giving birth, so I think I'll just share some stats and pictures to start with.

Zachary - The Lord remembers.
Jonathan - The Lord gives.
Born May 24th (my in-laws anniversary!) via c-section at 1:38 pm.
8lbs 9 oz
20 inches long

Our first family photo. I hate having to be on the operating table during this once in a lifetime moment but loved getting to look at him, hear his cry and see his daddy holding him.

The doctor assured us after his last ultrasound that he would be well over 9lbs but he came out at 8lb 9oz - still a healthy size!

Love at first sight. Getting to hold Zach right after the doctor 'put me back together' was wonderful. I've been holding him as much as possible since that moment, knowing that this time to love on my newborn is precious and limited.

So handsome I can hardly stand it!

Two handsome fellows!

More cuddling.

My babies and my babies' daddy.

More cuddling!

More cuteness!

Ready to leave the hospital and go home.

Beautiful eyes, they look like his sisters' at this age.

Some lovin' from Grandma Liz!

Today

2011-05-23T14:11:00.004-07:00

Today I...

Re-scheduled my c-section for tomorrow instead of next Tuesday. There were a lot of factors that went into this decision and there is a part of me that feels like I lost, or quit, the battle of Natural Childbirth v. Way to Many Unnecessary C-sections and feels ashamed and defeated. Part of me just doesn't care anymore and can't wait to have this baby!

Taught my last Spanish class for a long time. It was sort of anti-climactic. It's the end of the year so I am ready to say 'good-bye' but I know I will miss it. My students were going crazy not knowing the name of our little one, but as long as I promised he would not be named Francis or Ben (I have no idea where they came up with these two particular names) they seemed satisfied.

Have thought of about 50 more things that need to get done before the baby gets here.

Have decided to let go of about 45 of those things, knowing the world will not end if I don't wash the curtains in the living room, even if they are covered in Chloe's hair.

Am going to spoil Evangeline a little bit more before she gives up her position as an only child.

Am daydreaming about meeting my son tomorrow.

Am going to pray for a safe surgery and a healthy delivery.

Am going to go finish packing my hospital bag now...

PB & J

2011-05-22T21:22:00.004-07:00

3:30 am

2011-05-21T05:21:00.005-07:00

3:30 a.m. Awful leg cramp...ahhh! I had horrible middle of the night leg cramps while preggo with E and thought I had avoided them this time 'round. No such luck!

3:45 a.m. Should I eat a banana for some added potassium? I can't decide. It would mean getting out of bed. I have been avoiding any food, including bananas, that could possibly counteract the massive amounts of fiber I have been ingesting to help with, um, another fun pregnancy symptom.

4:00 a.m. I think I am going to end up having a c-section on Tuesday. That is incredibly soon.

4:20 a.m. I can't possibly leave Evangeline for three days for the hospital stay. She won't know whats going on. She needs her mama.

4:25 a.m. What if my house gets messy between me going into the hospital to have the baby and me bringing the baby home? I don't want to bring a newborn home to a messy house!

4:35 a.m. How will it work with me not being able to lift E after a c-section? She really just wants to be held by her mama all the time right now, how is she going to cope with me holding another baby but not her? How am I going to lift her into her crib or or her car seat?

4:55 a.m. Oh my gosh I don't want to be cut open again. Everything went so smoothly last time - what if this time the epidural paralyzes me and the doctor cuts me wrong and I need a blood transfusion and almost die and my incision gets infected?

5:00 a.m. - What if I don't fall back asleep? Evangeline will be up in an hour. What if I am exhausted all day and what if I just never get any sleep ever again because I am anxious and because we are going to have a newborn and what if my life completely falls apart?

5:30 a.m. That banana was good. So were the bran flakes.

5:40 a.m. Rambling in a blog hasn't helped at all, and Evangeline is stirring.

5:45 a.m. Evangeline is talking to herself and laughing in her crib. The sun is up. My sweetie pie is sleeping - its his turn to sleep in until 7:00. Should I turn on the coffee?

Update: At 6:00 a.m. I crawled back into bed, ignoring the fact that Evangeline was up and my perfect husband told me to stay in bed and he would get up. An hour later, after having caught up on some sleep, he came into the room with breakfast in bed. I love this man.

Best. Husband. Ever.

2011-05-17T14:04:00.005-07:00

The last week has been hard in pregnancy land. Nights are filled with heartburn, pain, discomfort and multiple trips to the bathroom - so sleeping isn't really happening. During the day I am exhausted from lack of sleep, getting more and more emotional and overwhelmed by the day, and feeling frustrated that I can't play and keep up with Evangeline and other housework. And I think I'm coming down with a cold. I have this week and next week left of teaching, I feel as big as a house and just really ready to have this baby.

I don't remember feeling like this at the very end with Evangeline. I don't know if its because she came at the beginning of the school year when I was just gearing up for stuff, and this little guy is arriving at the very end. I don't know if its been all the emotional turmoil over his health. I don't know if its some nasty pregnancy symptoms I have been blessed with this time around. I just know it has seemed a lot harder.

However, during this time my wonderful husband has been AMAZING! (I am so thankful we decided that he shouldn't go to camp with our students this week - I would be losing it!). He has been doing the laundry, making Walgreens runs for me, taking over parenting duty even more than normal, cleaning, and being patient and tender with me as I make irrational demands and break down crying every other second.

I've always known that I married the best man EVER! I am so thankful for the ways he has been taking care of me, our daughter and our soon to be born (Oh God, please let it be soon...) son.

I love you Jon!

Some Numbers

2011-05-13T12:09:00.005-07:00

2. That is how many words are needed to make up a sentence. Evangeline recently said her first two word sentence which was, and I am so proud of her for this: "More cheese". I'm now certain my love for all dairy products, especially cheese, is being successfully passed on to my daughter.

15. The number of days until I turn 30. Yikes! Sometimes I still don't feel like a real adult. Maybe being 30 will help with that. Or maybe I need to quit hanging out with college students for a living. Either way, I am excited and am actually really looking forward to the next decade of my life. I've heard only good things about the '30s'.

31. The date of my scheduled c-section. I am still praying and hoping (feel free to join along with me) that I go into labor before then and am able to have my dream of a natural, un-medicated vaginal delivery. But, since I had a c-section with E, my doctor won't let me go a day past my due date which is the 31st. So as of right now I am scheduled to be cut open at 1pm on the 31st. My awesome brother's birthday, and also Evangeine's best friend J's birthday. Speaking of J - here is Evangeline "tucking him in" from a couple of weeks ago:

3-4. That is how many weeks larger our little boy's head is measuring. His abdomen is also measuring ahead, but not quite as much as his head. This might make my dream birthing scenario problematic, but I"m still optimistic. Also, I don't ever want to make fun of my son, born or unborn, but everytime I think about the size of his head or have it measure in an ultrasound, I cannot help but think of So I Married an Axe Murderer. If you haven't seen this movie, you should.

0. The amount of Caribbean Passion smoothie left in this cup. Thankfully.

96. The high temp for today in Tucson. And it's only getting hotter. So far it hasn't felt to bad, but I am going to have to get creative with what to do with Evangeline in the afternoons here. The Splash Pad, mall play area and library are sure to be frequently visited.

A Mommy Sandwich

2011-05-08T21:41:00.005-07:00

Mothers day the last two years has been extra special, because not only do I get to celebrate my own mom, but I get to be a mom, too.

It's a pretty sweet spot you know, sandwiched between an exceptional mother and a beautiful daughter.

I love you mom! Thank you for all the ways you support, love and sacrifice for me.

I love you Evangeline! You have changed me forever.

His Touch

2011-05-06T10:25:00.005-07:00

I remember the day at our 20 week ultrasound when they found that our baby had hydronephrosis. I didn't even know what hydro was at that point. I just knew our baby was sick. Since then every appointment has brought with it one word: BIGGER. The kidney kept getting bigger - getting so severe that doctors couldn't hide their reactions, that we were told this would never heal on its own, that he would have to have surgery earlier than they normally do surgery on newborn babies just because it was so severe.

Through all of this we have been surrounded by our prayer warriors, and their prayer warriors, and their prayer warriors. The most recent of which was last night when our graduating seniors laid hands on me and prayed for healing. What a beautiful parting gift for them to give us.

I myself tried praying in a new way. Rather than praying the usual"God I really want you to heal his kidney, but I understand that you don't always do that...prayer

I prayed this instead "Jesus, you heal with a touch. All the bleeding woman wanted was to simply touch your robe. The blind men just wanted to have you touch their eyes. And there was something about your touch that healed them. And more. Please touch my son's kidney. That's all he needs. Simply touch that blockage in the ureter. And he will be healed. I know it".

I say this not to boast about how I pray, but to boast about the work that the Lord does in my heart.

Today we had our last ultrasound with the high risk ob. And somewhere in me I knew, I just knew, that we were going to see a kidney that was completely healed.

Not with severe hydronephrosis.

Not with moderate hydronephrosis.

Not with mild hydronephrosis.

No hydronephrosis.

And guess what folks? That's what we got!

The sonographer had to keep double checking her chart to make sure that it was in fact the left kidney that had been damaged. She measured both the right and the left three times. Both kidneys are completely normal.

No hdyronephrosis.

I said to the doctor "I was told a case this severe doesn't correct itself".

And she said with an amazed look on her face "It doesn't"

I want to thank you if you prayed and also invite you to rejoice with us. You got to be witness to, and part of, a miracle. Rejoice in knowing the one true God who hears our prayers, who heals, who continues to do miracles.

And then praise Him!

Happy Easter

2011-04-24T16:22:00.008-07:00

Easter has been another holiday, like Thanksgiving, that we usually spend away from our own immediate families. We haven't really developed any fun traditions of our own, and seem to end up doing something different every year (picnics, feeding high hippies PB & J sandwiches, hanging out with friends) since we've been married.

This year, by the time Easter rolled around way at the end of April, both Jon and I were pretty exhausted from the school year and so we have enjoyed a nice, relaxing typical Sunday at home. The death and resurrection of Jesus is something Jon and I think about, celebrate, preach and teach on a daily basis - which not only brings us joy, but it also sort of takes the pressure off having to do something spectacular on this day or to be around family.

Actually, one of the most fun things about this year's holiday was to buy Evangeline an Easter dress! Since E was born, I have hardly bought her anything. Literally, maybe a couple of onesies, I'm not exaggerating. We have been blessed to receive soooooo many clothes from shower gifts, birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, hand me downs from family and of course Grandmas who make sure Evangeline receives a steady stream of beautiful dresses.

So this was special for me, to pick out and purchase a dress for my little girl.

We went to JC Pennys.

I found the prettiest, poofiest, pinkest dress they had.

It actually strongly resembles by high school prom dress!

Our Vineyard tradition is to have breakfast early and then have service outside. It was an absolutely beautiful morning except for the fact that Evangeline was a crabby pants.

This afternoon we came home, got out of our uncomfy Easter clothes and took naps and played. We didn't do the Easter basket thing but did get her some sidewalk chalk and bubbles for fun!

Here are some pics that we managed to snap!

Pregnant together again! K is due in July and so our little boys will be close in age just like E and J.

E and BFF J. J clearly understands what "say cheese means", while E does not.

Munching on some watermelon.

Afternoon fun at home!

My baby's babies

2011-04-21T21:22:00.006-07:00

Evangeline loves all things 'baby' - she loves to take care of her stuffed animals and baby dolls by covering them with blankets, kissing them, patting them, giving them a bottle, rocking them...you get the picture.

I have also been talking about us having a baby in the house multiple times a day even though I know she doesn't totally get whats about to happen. Nevertheless, she 'knows' that there is a baby in my belly and will even take the new blue receiving blankets we have set out and put them over my stomach and give it a tender pat.

She's growing up so fast, it interesting to see her become so nurturing and motherly yet I still see her as my baby.

Sweet, sweet girl - Mama loves you and knows you're going to be the best big sister ever!

She has a new toddler bed that she isn't quite ready for - her little brother probably won't move in with her for a couple of months so I am hoping that she can make the transition this summer.

We've gotten out our bouncey seat for baby boy's arrival and she LOVES to put her babies in there, and also crawl in herself.

This is hilarious - she tries to crawl into her baby's cradle for naps.

Simply angelic...

Good News?

2011-04-15T12:17:00.003-07:00

We had yet another ultrasound this morning and our little baby seems to be as cute as ever.

I have really come to dread the ultrasounds, mostly because we have gotten worse news at each one we have had since our 20 week anatomy scan.

This morning however, it was a little different. Worst case scenario going into these ultrasounds is always a) Left Kidney has gotten bigger b) Right Kidney is also dilated c) other problems arise reflecting chromosomal problems.

Today I saw a perfectly-sized right kidney, a healthy brain and heart and bladder.

And.... a left kidney that didn't get any bigger in the last month!

In fact, the sonographer says it was measuring slightly smaller (not really enough to make it significant or indicate the problem is correcting itself, but I"ll take it!).

Finally, the doctor saw lots of healthy, functioning tissue around the dilated kidney.

I don't think I was in a place this morning to hear worse news - so even though this wasn't earth shattering, I feel encouraged and blessed. Thanks to all our friends and family who are praying for this little guy!

His Hands

2011-04-12T16:07:00.007-07:00

We finally met with the pediatric urologist, and Jon and I really liked him. He was very tender, patient and intelligent - all good things. I have been doing a lot of my own research so I didn't learn a ton of new information today, but reading about something on the internet is very different than hearing it from a doctor who will actually be performing these things. Here are the details of what we walked away with:

1) There are typically two main causes of kidney dilation: reflux or an obstruction. Because of the severity of this case of hydronephrosis he seems pretty positive that it is an obstruction and not reflux.

2) Here what my son's first month of life will be like (besides lots of eating, sleeping, pooping and cuddling of course):

Day 1: start on antibiotics. This will be to help fight the urinary tract/kidney infections that are likely to occur given his condition.

Day 3 - Ultrasound to measure kidney size after birth, get a good look at his tissue, etc..

Day 3 - VCUG. This stands for Voiding Cystourethrogram. Basically a fluid will be inserted through his urethra and through x-ray technology they will check to see if the fluid shoots back up to the kidney. This test is done to determine if reflux is the cause, so although our doctor doesn't think it is, he wants to be able to rule it out. This seems to be a very uncomfortable procedure that lasts a couple of hours. I'm glad he will be too young to remember it.

1 Month: Renal scan (mag 3). During this test a low-level radioactive material is inserted through an IV and then the doctors wait and see how his kidneys process it. This will determine how much Kidney function he has left at this point and also help determine more info. about the obstruction (which is most likely right where the ureter meets the kidney). This is about a two hour procedure during which he may have to be mildly sedated.

1 month: Surgery. If little boy has less than 15% kidney function (which is determined by the Mag 3) on the left side he will remove the kidney. If he has greater than 15% function, he will do surgery to correct the obstruction. This surgery of correcting the obstruction has a high success rate (90-95% success rate). He said a month is the very earliest he would prefer to do surgery, however given the severity of what he is seeing now he thinks that is the best idea.

How I'm feeling about all this: It feels good to meet the man who will be treating our son, to have an idea about a time line of events. It feels awful to know that our son, at the fragile age of one month, will be put under general anesthesia and with the way things are looking now, most likely say good-bye to a major organ.

I kept looking at the doctor's hands, realizing that these were the hands that were going to be caring for our baby's urological health, the hands that would eventually be cutting into his tiny body, removing his tiny kidney or re-attaching his tiny ureter.

He wore a wedding ring, and his hands seemed calm and steady. I feel good that this appointment is done with and that we are on the road to treatment with what appears to be a competent pediatric urologist, however I can't trust him fully. His hands are human.

The only Hands I can really trust are our Fathers. I pray that His Hands will continue to be upon our boy, and that Dr. Ashley's hands will really be God's hands as he deals tenderly with our newborn.

Good-bye, Hat.

2011-04-03T14:46:00.007-07:00

We all wear many hats in life. For the last few years I have worn several main hats - Spanish Teacher, Campus Minister, Wife, Mother. Within these hats are sub-hats: event planner, driver, counselor, preacher, friend, disciplinarian, leader, baby-sitter, maid, cook, creative director, prayer warrior, academic adviser.

The list goes on and on.

I'm sure you can relate.

There are moments that I take pride in the fact that I do so many things for so many people. Because I am extremely capable and well-rounded and gifted and organized and energized and mature enough to handle it all.

That is the loud voice in my ear. The dominant voice. The voice that wants me to be superwoman.

But there has been another voice speaking consistently since Evangeline was born. This voice says things I don't like to hear. This voice reminds me that wearing so many hats, being invested in so many people and roles, isn't good. That actually a lot of weeks Evangeline and Jon get neglected, I'm too tired to love them, play with them and serve them. Or my middle school students get a crappy teacher. Or my college students get a little bit of whatever is left over.

This voice has been nudging me to leave teaching Spanish for three years and for three years I have ignored it. For lots of reasons like my parents and I have paid a lot (and am still paying) of money for me to get a BA and an MA in Spanish and teaching. What a waste if I throw this away!

But more importantly, teaching Spanish has been part of my identity and part of my life and part of what I am passionate about, having been teaching for the last 7 years at the college level, on-line, and in a middle school. I currently love the teaching community I am a part of here in Tucson - amazing teachers and amazing kids.

Other less noble reasons such as having a 'real' job that people get. Lots of people don't 'get' college ministry. And then there's the consistent, reliable paycheck.

These things made it difficult to listen to this quiet voice.

Life, however, hasn't gotten any easier and now we are on the verge of adding another little one to our family and I knew that I had to leave one of my jobs. I prayed about it a lot this year. I wrestled with it on, not exaggerating at all, a daily basis.
What is best for my family?

What am I most passionate about?

What makes the most sense?

I never came up with an answer to these questions, or if I did the answer would change the very next day.

What remained the same throughout this process was God's consistent, and often times very persistent and blunt, reminders to me of what he asked me to give up three years ago. A very strong reminder and reassurance of my calling to bring the gospel to college students.

And so with a lot of sorrow of leaving my Paulo Freire Freedom School community, of leaving my 'real' career, and leaving behind a significant part of who I am and who I have been, I let my school directors know that I will not be coming back in the fall to teach for them.

In this sorrow I am also thankful to be taking a stand against doing 'too' much, as we are so prone to do in our culture of over-committed people. I am thankful to have more time to care for my children husband, and also give more to fewer people, but in that to give them something better than what they have been getting from me.

I'm not sure at this point how we will make up what I am losing in a paycheck, or how I"ll feel in August about not going back into the classroom, but I am very confident in Jesus' words "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you".

God has different callings for all of us, different avenues through which we seek Him and His Kingdom. For me, right now, it means leaving teaching.

So Good-bye Hat. Adiós Sombrero.

Springtime fun!

2011-04-02T16:50:00.005-07:00

We have had an absolutely beautiful Spring here in Tucson and so we have spent as much time as possible at parks or in the back yard. We had our first taste of real hot weather this weekend (95!) and so we spent the afternoon at the pool. I think the last time Evie went swimming was at her 1st birthday party. Needless to say she still loves the water as much as last summer!

Enjoying a picnic lunch with J

Exploring the different plants in our yard

Taking blankie for a wagon ride

More March Madness

Cooling off at the pool!

March Madness

2011-03-27T13:44:00.005-07:00

Our family hasn't had TV for awhile now. We have a TV, just no channels coming through. Our reasoning for this was financial, but we also enjoyed the benefit of not having to be tempted to have it on as back ground noise or be sucked into watching hours of it.

We have a couple of shows that we like to watch, and so we watch them on Jon's computer via Hulu.com - kindof like this:

This is particularly difficult for Jon during sports seasons because he can't watch live games - except for this Spring all the March Madness basketball games were streaming live on the internet and our Arizona Wildcats were in the tournament!

Saturday (yesterday) Jon had invited his dorm friends from his ministry in Coconino Residence Hall over for a BBQ - right at the very time that Arizona was playing and well, 15 college students huddled around his laptop sounded extremely lame so we ~~decided to eat spahgetti every night for a month~~ responsibly and magically found $60 in our budget so we could purchase a converter box so that we could at least get the local channels and watch the game.

So we got to do this yesterday:

We had a great time hanging out with the students, eating cheeseburgers and cheering for the Wildcats; even though my husband is now in a deep state of grieving since Arizona lost at the last second.

The funny thing is, last night we were so excited to watch our new, shiny, exciting TV channels but we didn't have any idea of what is actually on, or when, so we had to look on the internet to find out what shows were on. We didn't see anything interesting so we ended up watching The Amazing Race on Hulu, huddled around the laptop anyways.

18 months old!

2011-03-19T12:22:00.004-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I dropped off Evangeline at her daycare center, feeling the way I usually do on Wednesday mornings when I drop her off - a mixture of sadness because I have to leave her for the day and also worry that she is going to be miserable. She frequently starts crying and reaching for me as soon as I set her down in her classroom. The teachers tell me that she pretty much stops crying as soon as I leave, but it doesn't make leaving her any easier.

This particular Wednesday I set her down. She confidently handed me paci. And then blankie. I walked over to set her things in her cubby and as I turned around I saw my little girl already smiling and engaged in play. She barely looked at me as I kissed her good-bye and walked out the door.

Every moment these days seem to be evidence of her growing up. Her language development, her expressions, her comprehension, her abilities, her continued independence.

While she seems to be the happiest girl alive, at daycare and at home, I have found myself shedding a tear here and there over how fast time seems to be going. That's probably part pregnancy hormones and part being a mom.

I love this girl and the last 18 months have been some of the happiest, sweetest, most joyful and most fulfilling of my life!

Here are some of E's favorite things at 18 months old:
*The ABCs. She loves to hear the song, point out letters, etc..

*The moon. She points out the moon in her books and likes to go outside in the evening and say "Goodnight" to the moon.

*Mama - she is a bit of a mama's girl at the moment. I can't say I mind too much!

*Animals - she is great at animal noises (snake, wolf, dog, chicken) and loves going to the zoo.

*Giving hugs and kisses. She is extremely affectionate and spends a lot of time going back and forth between mom and dad giving love, and kisses her stuffed animals and pictures of animals all the time. How sweet!

*Babies. She has a baby doll that she feeds a bottle to, rocks, and puts in the toy crib, and covers with a blanket. "Baby" is one of her words!

30 weeks (almost!)

2011-03-18T11:17:00.006-07:00

We had our latest ultrasound this morning to look at Baby Boy's kidney and general well being.

The news: Our son's kidney is still huge. Amniotic fluid level, other kidney, bladder and organs look good. Also, there is still functioning tissue around the dilated kidney - which the doctor seemed surprised to see. She wasn't as pessimistic as the one we saw last month, which I appreciated!

The vent: Jon and I are both sort of sick of doctors at this point. It seems like every time we go our doctors have no idea what is going on with us, whether it is the same doctor I have seen consistently (like my ob) or because we have a different technician/doctor each time (like with the fetal maternal specialist). The sonographer actually asked us this morning in a shocked voice "Did his kidney look like this last time?".

I don't know lady. You have have my chart, a pile of pictures and video with measurements and information. Maybe you should look at that, for crying out loud. I would never say these things of course, so all I said was "um, it was really big last time if that's what you mean".

Just the fact that the doctors come in and ask me the same questions and have no idea what the kidney looked like a month ago, or what information I have or haven't received yet is just tiresome. We get this all the time with every doctor, every visit. And with two more appointments remaining with the fetal maternal specialist, me going every two weeks to my ob and now a urologist in the mix it is starting to bug me.

Ok. Vent over.

The fun part: I am almost 3o weeks - 10 weeks to go! Our little boy is CONSTANTLY moving, which is what Jon was like in the womb I have been told. The idea of having a little Jon running around melts my heart - and I just can't wait to meet our son. I have been feeling okay lately. Lots of kicks in the ribs (which is a good thing - I got kicked in the bladder all the time with E since she was a footling breech most of my 3rd trimester)

I have washed all the itty bitty cloth diapers that Evangeline has out grown - ready to use them on our son. I have stocked drawers full of burp cloths and onesies (thankfully we don't have nearly the amount of clothes we had with Evangeline!) and I am doing all kinds of other nesting things to get ready!

This baby is such a blessing to us and not matter how he comes out and what our lives will look like come May, we love him so much!

Views

2011-03-17T17:54:00.015-07:00

You would think that living together and working together would mean that we would actually experience lots of quality time together.

You would think that two laid-back second children wouldn't be such stressed-out workaholics!

Well, you'd be wrong!

With our crazy schedules and baby number 2 on the way we both agreed we NEEDED some time to ourselves before May - because goodness knows when this little bundle of joy arrives things aren't going to get any easier!

So we embarked on a journey to Huntington Beach, California - leaving our daughter behind with Grandma Cindy - ready for a few days of R&R, ocean views and quality time together.

It was AMAZING!

We arrived on Sunday night, after an 8 hour drive (made better by books on tape and no toddler in the backseat!) and after checking into our beautiful hotel room that had this view:

And was surrounded by these poppies, which reminded me of my mother-in-law:

We took the ten minute walk up the beach to downtown Huntington Beach for some pizza and watched this sunset:

At this point I was deliberately taking deep breaths, having to put some effort into unwinding. But, it didn't take long! The next day was sooooo relaxing. At first I felt bad that we hadn't really planned anything to do while in the L.A. area (Jon and I are, as a couple, indecisive and non-planners), but then I realized that EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life I have to get up and go non-stop for at least 12 hours, always having something that I need to do.

So we took our time getting ready, had a yummy breakfast and then spent the rest of the day getting lost in the act of doing nothing, the novels we brought along, hotel luxuries, and of course each other.

This was my view in the morning at the pool:

And then at lunch (enjoying fish tacos. yummy)

and later in the afternoon:

By evening we were so exhausted from our hard day's work of relaxing that we filled up on free hor dourves so we wouldn't have to leave the hotel, and then went to the hotel lounge for drinks and dessert. I was very excited to see that they had a non-alcoholic wine selection, so even thought it was $7/glass I went for it! Let me tell you what non-alcoholic wine is. Grape juice. Expensive grape juice, actually. We then hung out and watched The Bachelor (don't judge) and went to bed early!

The following day was more of the same. Sleeping in. Local brewery for lunch. Afternoon naps. And then some more of this:

We ended our last evening there by going out for Sushi (well, Jon got sushi. I don't eat sushi even when I"m not pregnant, so I got cooked shrimp). I stared at my good lookin' fellow all night, watching him enjoy his uncooked sea creature. This is the view our waitress had:

After dinner we headed back to the beach for a fire and s'mores. This was Jon's view:

The next morning I woke up at 6am, unable to go back to sleep as the stresses of 'real life' had invaded my vacation brain and I was thinking about logistics of driving home, up-coming doctors appointments, writing report cards and ministry stuff. A trip to the jacuzzi (I couldn't get all the way in, so I dangled my legs while Jon got the full effect) and final walk on the beach to watch the waves helped with that, though!

All in all, it was divine. I felt so well rested. Jon and I managed not to talk about work or money or even parenting very much at all.

The view that the citizens and tourists of Huntington Beach had of us all week was something like this:

The view of a couple very much in love after almost five years of marriage and 1 1/2 kids. A couple who seemed to be blissfully happy to simply walk hand in hand along the beach, take naps together, laugh, flirt, and talk about all things silly and serious with one another.

When we returned, we had the most beautiful view ever. One even more breath taking than the ocean.

Thanks to Grandma for watching E, for my dad who blessed us with free hotel nights (and so much more!), and for Paulo Freire Freedom School and the University of Arizona for giving us Spring Break!

BFFs

2011-03-08T11:11:00.008-07:00

Not only do we have so much love for our little girl, but it makes us so happy to see all the love she has for others; her parents and grandparents, friends, cat, and stuffed animals!

Evangeline has a couple of BFFs right now. Tied for first are Mama and Daddy. Second place easily goes to her pink blanket (actually, I think sometimes she likes blankie more than mom and dad...).

After that she has great love for her buddy J - who she spends Every Monday and Tuesday with, in addition to church nursery times and other play dates. I'm so thankful for the 'brother' that she has in him.

Then, of course, there's our spastic, crazy Chloe. One of the words she says right now is "kitty" (she also says baby, mama, daddy, more, juice, milk, and some other ones I can't remember, along with animal noises!) and she shrieks 'kitty' every time Chloe comes into the room. Kitty adds some excitement to our everyday life - and she loves to be pet and now that Evangeline has learned to be gentle with her, she is frequently coming up to Evie for lovin'.

It is wonderful to watch her growing up to be a girl with lots of love to go around for all the special people (and blankets and animals) in her life!

All of this makes me anticipate the ways in which her little brother and her quickly become best friends, too.

A visual aid

2011-02-16T13:50:00.007-07:00

I think ultrasounds are fascinating and even though I now sort of dread them I am intrigued to see all the organs and everything.

Here is a picture of our cutie's abdomen to give you a better idea. The two large 'blobs' toward the top are actually his one dilated kidney. Like I said in my last post it seems there are two 'compartments' (for lack of a medical word) divided by tissue.

Beneath these you can see several smaller black spots. One of those, the one with the two little cross hairs on either end for measurement, is the healthy kidney.

Pause

2011-02-16T09:53:00.004-07:00

There are events in my life that just make me want to hit the pause button, because they effect me in a way that just make it too difficult to carry on with normal life.

We had our follow-up with the perinatologist this morning to look at baby boy's kidney - we had been praying for the best case scenario - that his kidney will have drained properly and gone down in size. We knew that was a possibility in a lot of hydronephrosis cases and had family and church praying for that outcome.

Unfortunately that's not what we got. His dear little kidney has in fact gotten bigger. So big that it seems to have created a whole new compartment to store all this fluid.

"Oooh - that's definitely severe" were the doctor's words, actually.

She also used the words 'impressive' and "one of the bigger ones I've seen" and "there is no hope of that correcting on it's own, not a case that severe".

Gee, thanks doctor.

There were a couple of other things on my wishlist that I wanted to come away with today, that I did get, even if I didn't get a normal functioning left kidney.

Those are:
*A right kidney that is still functioning and at a normal size. Thank you God. I think I am in love with his right kidney.

*Assurance that every other anatomical aspect is still developing and functioning normally (heart, brain, bladder, stomach, etc...)

*A referral to see a pediatric urologist. This will hopefully happen in the next few weeks. I wish I could see him tomorrow as the perinatologist has told us everything she can about what this means for baby's future outside the womb, but alas more waiting is in store for us.

Jon and I both left the appointment feeling disheartened with resurrected fears of the size of his kidney affecting other organs or even bursting. And just that awful feeling that everything is not perfect with our son.

We have been told by doctors that of all the things that could possibly go wrong, this is the one you would choose if you had to. You only need one kidney.

But I don't care and those words are not encouraging.

I don't want this for my son.

So while those statements are true and we are still grateful we are not dealing with anything that appears to be life-threatening or fatal, it doesn't feel like that today.

Today I wish I could hit the pause button, as I don't feel like teaching or meeting with students or cooking dinner.

Pause life to take some time to process and cry and come to terms, once again, that my ways are not God's ways.

The Toddler Life

2011-01-25T12:53:00.006-07:00

Hair blowing in the wind,

covered in a light layer of sand and dirt,

A beautiful January day in Tucson,

and going down the slide all by herself!

Life is Good.

So offended

2011-01-21T09:14:00.004-07:00

It was quiet. Too quiet. So I peaked my head out of the kitchen and saw my dear daughter with the bottle of Karo Syrup. Open. Upside-down. Corn Syrup everywhere.

And she was so offended that I took it away from her!

Thankfully the sticky mess wasn't as bad to clean up as I thought - it wiped up quite easily off the tile and her table, but rug was a bit trickier.

See, I told you...

2011-01-20T13:40:00.003-07:00

that we had one adorable little baby!

I remember thinking that 3d ultrasounds were actually kind of creepy (we never had one with Evie) but now that it is my own I think it is totally precious!

Wanting to suck fingers or toes (I can't tell which...)

Here we see his love for his own foot. He is hugging his ankle bone!

Such neat technology! He is about the length of a carrot and pretty darn skinny at 21 weeks but I still think he is perfect!

Diagnosis: One Huge Kidney

2011-01-19T16:01:00.005-07:00

I felt strong. I felt like praising God. I felt faithful in His faithfulness. I felt like saying 'no matter what happens, God is good. All the time'.

And this terrified me.

Going into our visit with the perinatologist this afternoon I had a knot in my stomach and for all of the normal reasons but what really pushed me over the edge was the fact that I was feeling strength and faith on a whole new level. My only explanation for this was that God was really preparing my heart for the worst. There must be some really bad news I was about to receive if God was bolstering me with so much support. So much peace.

Thankfully, we didn't have to wait very long before being called back for our level II ultrasound during which our sonographer (who reminded me so much of Erin ~~Brankel~~ Andrelli that I was immediately comforted) and soon enough the gel was on my belly and she was prodding around with the ultrasound thingy to look at our beautiful babe.

The brain, heart, face, spine umbilical cord still looked perfect and healthy.

And adorable.

But as she moved the wand to view his abdomen my fear was confirmed. There was the giant black circle. My baby's kidney. Still dilated. Still significantly larger than his other kidney. I don't know anything about anything but even I could spot it right away and tell you it wasn't normal.

She said the doctor would be in with us to talk about specifics and so while we were waiting she just took more pictures of our precious boy. He is pretty handsome, by the way.

The doctor was a lovely, strait forward, kind woman. She confirmed that everything, including little boy's other kidney looked beautiful at this point.

But.

That darn left Kidney just wasn't draining properly and is officially diagnosed with Hydronephrosis. Here are the main points that I came away with from our latest appointment:

1) It is not cystic. I"m relieved by this.

2) The chances are not super high that we would have a baby with downs syndrome due to everything else being healthy and my age, but since kidney problems are a marker our chances go up a bit. We denied an amnio at this point which could confirm or deny for us because we wouldn't terminate the pregnancy if our littlest one had downs syndrome and just didn't feel the need to know at this point given the risk associated with an amnio. We can do it later if we want or just wait and see if we are surprised and blessed with a child with Downs.

3) The Kidney is not damaged.

4) Yet. Although the perinatologist will let a pediatric urologist make that call down the road, she said she thinks that when our baby is born the kidney will be damaged and non-functioning. I think this means surgery to remove the damaged kidney.

5) People live with one kidney all the time. No biggie. Hah! There is no such thing as "no biggie" when you are a mom. But seriously, in the dark, sad world of organ failure, it seems like one kidney failing is cause for a party.

6) Nothing is guaranteed. We will continue to be monitored regularly and receive non stress tests starting at 32 weeks and keep an eye out for other markers of chromosomal problems that could still develop and cause heart, brain problems as well as other issues associated with kidney problems such as low amniotic fluid.

7) God is good. All the time.

I feel a mix of emotions at the moment. I am reasonably optimistic that our baby will be fine. He has one beautifully functioning kidney and looks healthy otherwise. People live with one kidney all the time. But I am also saddened. My baby hasn't even left the safety of my womb yet and already the imperfections of this world are upon him. He will very likely need surgery as a wee bitty one. On top of that is the worry that every parent experiences. The 'what if', 'worst case scenario' worry that almost makes me sick to my stomach.

Thanks for reading this and praying for our son. And for being informed on a blog instead of by a phone call. All this emotion and medical jargon is exhausting and I am thankful for technology to be able to post it once and not have to repeat the details over and over again.

When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
your unfailing love, LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.

Psalm 94

Oh Boy!

2011-01-12T16:58:00.004-07:00

Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails...

Is what we can expect in May! Here are some highlights of our 20 week ultrasound...

1) We saw the little boy parts right away, he seemed very eager to show 'em off and let us know right away who we were dealing with!

2) He is measuring a week ahead, and if he is anything like Jon was as a baby he is going to be nice and huge.

3) He was facing forward the entire time, so we got to see him yawn, rub his eyes and stare at us (or my belly at least!)

Now here is the difficult part -

Our little boy, our son, has a kidney problem. I knew when another ultrasound technician was brought in to 'check things out' that there was something wrong. Our little one's right kidney is signifcantly larger than the normal range and is filled with fluid, causing the doctor to suspect that it is not draining correctly and filling with urine.

Some implications for this are:
1) possible chromosomal abnormality. They think this is unlikely given how everything else (organs, etc...) are all formed normally and appear healthy.
2) It goes away on its own, fixes itself - pray for this option!
3) post-natal care, surgery to remove a kidney or draining of the kidney to see if it continues to function normally.

We will be in next week hopefully to see a perenatalogist who will continue to monitor Little Boy's kidneys and hopefully give us a better idea of what is happening and what we are looking at.

We are trying to be hopeful and look at all the good news we got today:

-We are having a son!

-Kidney problems aren't typically fatal (I know nothing about kidneys or kidney disease or anything, but I don't think that this is the case). Although the idea of post natal medical care, NICU stays and surgery on our wee little one make me sick to my stomach, it would appear we are not looking at the worst possible diagnosis out there. Although there have been tears today and many fears and questions, I am thankful for hope and for a baby whose heart beat strongly and legs kicked energetically.

Evangeline is going to have a baby brother!

32

2010-12-30T09:52:00.005-07:00

Husband

Father

Handsome

Leader

Hilarious

Brilliant

Mine

Sensitive

Beloved

Competitor

Pastor

Compassionate

Friend

Love

32!

Christmas (part II)

2010-12-28T12:03:00.007-07:00

Christmas this year was certainly a whirlwind - a cold whirlwind! With everyone getting the flu (except Jon, Evie and I - not sure how that happened!), a brand new baby boy (more on him later...), and all the festivities of Christmas, Evangeline has been kept very busy!

We spent Christmas Eve at my sister's house, watching Caleb be the best shepherd in their church's telling of the Christmas Story.

Christmas day was incredibly fun and relaxing. We played trivial pursuit, celebrity, frolicked in the snow, went sledding down the hill in our front yard (okay that was just Caleb, I watched), opened presents, ate lots of food and we even had our own Christmas miracle - E took two naps!

Jon really outdid himself this year in giving me gifts. He got me tickets to see Wicked which is at the U of A this season - SO EXCITED FOR THIS!

He also gave me a beautiful ring with Evangeline's birthstone on it, a sapphire. Thank you to whoever helped out with this if you are reading - Jon loved the opportunity to give me such meaningful jewelry and I didn't mind receiving it!

All of this made me cry, in the good way :)

But what I enjoyed most about this Christmas was actually living in the reality that as beautiful and miraculous and loving as the birth of Jesus is- leaving intimacy with the Father and angels praising him in heaven to be with us on earth - his death and resurrection have real, transforming, power in my life every single day.

Here are some more pictures (pretty much all of E)

My girl's 2nd Christmas (part 1)

2010-12-27T07:48:00.003-07:00

Our Christmas getaway to Illinois has been good for all of us, Evangeline has been having a blast at Grandma's house, hanging with cousins and playing with the dog. Winter in the midwest looks good on this little bean!

Tucson Christmas

2010-12-21T08:59:00.004-07:00

Since we aren't able to see the Phillips side of the family this season, and because it is difficult to transport gifts back and forth to the midwest, we had a special "Tucson Christmas" on Saturday morning.

We opened stocking gifts that came from Jon's parents and that we gave each other; mostly lots and lots of candy and other goodies! Chocolate digestives were by far Jon's favorite.

We put some fun little items from the Target dollar bins in E's stocking. She LOVED the princess notebook and crayons!

Evangeline was spoiled with gifts from both sets of Grandparents. She has been playing non stop with her Magna Doodle, kitchen set and loves to sit at her little table and 'eat' and color.

She also got some wonderful stuffed animals that she can give hugs and kisses to.

Baby Phillips #2 even got a special gift from Grandma Liz and Grandpa Tom!

We listened to Christmas music, drank coffee, hung out in our PJs, skyped with family and just had a wonderful relaxing morning. For lunch we went for delicious and easy clean up: steaks on the grill!

We have also been enjoying this Christmas season with several Christmas parties, viewing the magnificent lights in Winterhaven neighborhood, watching Holiday movies, and enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather by taking lots of walks and playing at the park.

We are (in a couple of hours) off to Illinois to continue the celebration with my family, including my new nephew Shane.

We also get to celebrate Jon's birthday, play in the snow, and watch all the cable T.V. we want (we don't have T.V. here so when we go to our parents watching t.v. is a special treat!).

Freedom in Legalism

2010-12-20T08:55:00.003-07:00

Since becoming a mom, spending time in prayer and scripture study and solitude with God has been very infrequent. There is just too much to do and not enough time to do it. My to-do list is never ending, always expanding. And it is easy to rely on God's grace and patience, knowing he still loves me regardless of how undisciplined I am.

As expected, this has had great effect on my personal spiritual life as well as ministry.

It is difficult to offer people what you don't have.

And while God is gracious and understanding and I know that he has used me regardless of how much 'quiet time' I have or haven't had, I reached a point this semester after experiencing some trials and much discouragement, that 'my quiver was empty' (to use a recent analogy I heard). There were no arrows left.

My love for my work had diminished almost completely (for my ministry and students, for my work in making a home, for teaching...everything). No matter how much I tried, I couldn't fabricate a love that wasn't there. I felt lacking in wisdom and discernment. I was tired. While I hate the idea of legalism and feeling like I "have to" have a quiet time, I was at the point where this lack of time with Jesus was having very obvious, very tangible results in my life and ministry and heart.

One of our supervisors, in going over different reflections from the semester and planning ahead for next semester, has given me the 'freedom' to be legalistic about this time with God. Him and Jon and I sat down with our schedules and mapped out times during the week that I am "required" to be in prayer and scripture study alone with God.

And I am so excited about this!

This is time that will be treated with as much importance as planning meetings and hanging out in dorms and fund development and diaper washing and lesson planning and grocery shopping.

There are many times that I am thankful to be in vocational ministry because it helps me with my own discipleship, and this is one of them! What a blessing it is to have permission, to have freedom, to have accountability from a boss, to be legalistic about spending time at Jesus' feet.

Big Girl

2010-12-04T12:03:00.005-07:00

I have to say that although 14 months has been a challenging age because Evie is testing and pushing boundaries, unable to communicate her many desires effectively and wanting to be moving and exploring every second, it has also been so much fun!

She is absolutely hilarious and has the best personality; she likes to tickle mama and daddy, she tries to get us to chase her around the house, and in general she is just very happy. She loves to give hugs, she loves her friends and her family, she loves to play.

One of my favorite things about her at this stage is how grown-up she wants to be and how she loves to be wherever Jon and I are (call it clingy, I call it affectionate!)

Toys only hold her attention span for a short period of time, because what she really wants to be doing is pretty much anything we are doing, with us. This includes 'folding' the laundry, emptying the dishwasher, wiping down cabinets, checking the mail and working on the computer.

We are having so much fun with her - every day is exciting and wonderful!

Here are some pics:

She LOVES brushing her teeth. We have to pry her green Elmo toothbrush out of her hands every morning and night because she just loves it. If she sees Jon or I brushing our teeth, she freaks out and wants to be doing the same.

To say she is obsessed with putting on shoes (our shoes, her shoes, doesn't really matter...) would be an understatement.

It is near impossible for one of us to be in the kitchen cooking or whatever without her running to us and wrapping her arms around our legs. I'm not sure if this is a plea for food, a desire to help out, or just good old fashioned love for her mama and daddy.

I let her take out all the items from the bottom shelf of our food pantry the other day. She loved taking everything out and then putting it back in.

Here is daddy doing some sit-ups after his run in our ~~home gym~~ kitchen. She has a lot of fun during sit-up and push-up time!

She loves to try and put the keys in the lock. She could spend a good hour trying to work it out - thankfully she hasn't yet!

These pictures have absolutely nothing to do with her being a big girl, just fun ones from the winter!

Fourth

2010-11-30T09:01:00.002-07:00

On September 22nd, just over a week after Evangeline's first birthday, I took a home pregnancy test and it came up positive. I was sort of dubious of the accuracy so I took a couple more over the next few days, all coming up positive.

My fourth pregnancy.

Jon and I wanted two little ones close together in age, so we had agreed to 'stop preventing' just the month before - and then bam! We're pregnant!

Everything with this pregnancy has seemed so easy, so normal. No months of agony trying to get pregnant. The bitter taste of miscarriage, while still present, was watered down (and easily forgotten about as I am so busy trying to juggle two jobs and chase after Evangeline), not as threatening.

We have had absolutely no complications and we are now in our 2nd trimester as I am officially 14 weeks pregnant today.

Even the due date (May 31st!) is so, well, convenient. For someone who works with college students and teaches, you can't beat it!

Everything has been so normal, so easy. It's weird!

We were able to see our little 'bun' on ultrasound at about 7 weeks (beautiful little blob with a heartbeat of 129 bpm!) and then heard his/her heartbeat again at 11 weeks via the doppler.

'Bun' is now about the length of a lemon (3 1/2 inches) and about 1 1/2 ounces. So cute!

We should be able to find out the gender at our next ultrasound, which is right after the new year, and we are absolutely dying to find out if Evangeline is going to have a little brother or a little sister!

I am so thankful to God for blessing us with this fourth pregnancy, it has been a wonderful experience so far and I am thankful for the months I have been able to carry this little bun around, allowing him/her to grow and develop in the safety of my womb. We are praying for continued ease and health and counting down the days until May 31st!

First

2010-11-26T19:35:00.009-07:00

We have just finished celebrating our very first Thanksgiving without any family around.

With airfare through the roof this time of year we quickly acknowledged the fact that we would be in Tucson for the holiday. We had some friends of ours join us, along with their two sons, and two college students from the U of A.

This of course meant that I also just finished pulling off an entire Thanksgiving menu on my own (well mostly on my own. Jon was an excellent sous chef - he chopped and chopped and was very helpful in watching E while I cooked), including cooking my own Turkey without a mother or mother-in-law in sight to lend their wisdom and experience.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I called my mom about 10 times during the course of the morning to ask her questions like "do I cook the Turkey right side up or upside down?" (The answer, in case you're wondering, is breast side up)

I decided to go all out so our dinner consisted of (I know it's totally dorky to show pictures, but I am pretty proud of myself!)

Corn muffin stuffing with dried cherries (Thank you Aunt Amy for the recipe)

Trader Joe's green bean casserole (spinach dip and slivered almonds make it so tasty!)

Grandma Phillips' mushroom casserole

Turkey with gravy (in the bag is the way to go!)

Mashed potatoes

Mashed sweet potatoes with pecan topping (orange zest, maple syrup and brown sugar put this dish over the top!)

Cranberry pomegranate sauce (Thank you Pioneer Woman for the recipe!)

Corn (Thank you can that was sitting on a shelf at Albertson's)

Crescent Rolls (Thank you Grahmanns for bringing these yummy, buttery rolls)

Martinelli's Sparkling Cranberry juice. Delish.

And last but not least, two pies (thank you bakery people at Albertson's and Target)

I'm not proud that I resorted to store-bought pies - but it was the best decision I could have made! Everyone was too full to enjoy dessert so I am glad I didn't slave away over these puppies.

In the morning before the cooking frenzy we went walking along the bike path - it was a beautiful, although windy, morning.

Dinner was a chaotic, cramped and colorful.

With two crazy little boys, two crazy college students, four tired parents and baby Evangeline it wasn't the picturesque, relaxing in front of the fire Thanksgiving that I had hoped for (mainly because we don't have a fireplace and of course this time it was me working my butt off instead of one of our mothers!) but it was wonderful, and I am so thankful that we were able to provide a meal and some company to others in the same boat as us, who are far away from their families on Thanksgiving.

Afterward the boys played Wii, and Evangeline tried to imitate by waving the Wii-mote everywhere.

I am so thankful to God for providing for us physically and spiritually, for friends, students and family.

I'm thankful for this good-lookin' man who carved our bird...

I am really thankful for vacuum cleaners that can take care of the mess that was left under Evangeline's chair after our delicious Turkey dinner...

I'm thankful for this sweet child, who, although exhausting, seems to become more and more delightful, hilarious, affectionate and brilliant every day.

I'm also thankful for my dad and Jon's dad, Evangeline's Grandpa Mick and Grandpa Tom, who celebrated their birthdays this week - sorry we missed them!

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, Jon and I enjoyed a nap on the couch, I cooked some soup from the left over Turkey, ate lots of other left overs and an afternoon trip to the zoo (Thank you Sarah and Jeff for the wonderful gift of zoo passes!!!) It was a perfectly lazy day before the Christmas season begins!

My soup:

Jon and Evie peering at the "big kitties" (a.k.a panthers)

Happy Holidays!

Christmas in September

2010-11-10T14:34:00.004-07:00

I absolutely love Thanksgiving and Christmas because we get to spend time with our families, we get some time off, we get to eat a lot of food, and we get to enjoy the yearly festivities such as Christmas music, lights, and of course the red cups at Starbucks filled with peppermint mochas! Not to mention the fact that during Thanksgiving and Christmas we purposely give thanks for God's many good gifts to us, most importantly the way that he left Heaven to dwell amongst us.

But, Christmas is also about giving gifts. Last year we just didn't have any extra money and so Jon and I decided not to buy each other anything, nor did we buy anything for Evangeline during her first Christmas.

It. Was. Depressing.

Jon and I didn't want to relive last year's experience and so even though our budgets were going to be very minimal, we were determined to get each other a little something, and something for Evangeline. We also have the best parents in the world and the most precious nephews and niece that we want to spoil!

This has been stressing me out because our financial situation isn't any different.

Credit cards? Likely. Ugh.

Remember my George Bailey post from last December? Well, here I was once again thinking of everything we couldn't afford, and couldn't have and therefor felt like we couldn't celebrate the season. No Christmas tree. No peppermint mochas. No gifts. Bah Humbug!

I am a slow learner, it would appear. I still get down about things like this.

But God's people don't. And God doesn't. God gives. God loves. God's people lift us up time and time again.

Our church family gave a special offering in September for the missionaries of the church called "Christmas in September". We've recently received an e-mail letting us know how much this will be and I am currently fighting to hold back the tears because of this extreme generosity.

I know it is just money. I swear I know that. But having this gift is going to allow our family to celebrate in ways that we didn't think possible. Having this gift has taken a burden off of my shoulders.

I am so grateful. And I am so humbled. God seriously does things like this for us all the time! I am embarrassed by my lack of faith.

Unfortunately, there are millions of families who won't receive a "Christmas in September" check from their church. They have the burden of finding money from 'somewhere' to buy a present for their kids. Or put a meal on the table.

So even though I have already mentally spent it all (go out for Jon's birthday, Christmas gifts for family, take Evangeline to the zoo?!) I am now thinking of others. How can I not? As God has met our needs as receivers, he has in turn made me someone who wants to be a giver.

Cool how God does things like that.

I like our God.

One of the many things I will be celebrating about Emmanuel this holiday season.

If you would like to give a gift to someone who is struggling this year, I would like to suggest Toys for Tots, Angel Tree, or Operation Christmas Child.

It is just money.

They are just gifts.

But the joy of giving and receiving is a part of Christmas that, when you separate it from the materialism and consumerism of our society, is a beautiful thing.

Thank you to our family, and to our church family, for loving us with your generosity, and for helping me to love others in the same way.

I know that it is only November 10th, but Merry Christmas!

For Grandmas

2010-11-07T10:21:00.003-07:00

These photos are for our moms who don't get to see their little Evie as much as they would like! Sorry I am so bad about posting frequently!

We love you!

Fall in the desert

2010-10-13T20:38:00.003-07:00

The weather here in Tucson is finally cooling off a little bit (high of 90 - so chilly!) and so we have been making frequent visits to the park and Evangeline has loved playing in our front yard, mainly because she can go up and down, and up and down, and up and down the steps on our sidewalk. I grew up in the Midwest, with lots of grass to play in, so I have been worried about what Evangeline will experience growing up in a house with all rocks in the front yard and back. Thankfully she seems to love cement and rocks and we live super close to a great park!

I threw in a couple pics of her trying on her new winter coat. We are headed up to Northern Arizona a couple of times in the next few weeks, plus Christmas in Illinois means she needs something warmer!

Click on the picture below to see the whole album.

October 2010

Why yes, I do carry a purse.

2010-10-03T11:35:00.001-07:00

Doesn't every lady?

One of those days...

2010-09-15T19:16:00.006-07:00

I am in a mood to ramble. Here goes-

After I got home from picking up Evangeline from daycare Jon played with her while I made dinner. He had to leave without eating dinner to get to his bible study in the dorms, which meant he had to pick up Taco Bell on the way. Evie and I ate our apple stuffing and pork chops and sweet potatoes without him.

Tomorrow night I will cook dinner, which Evangeline and Jon will enjoy without me, as I need to leave for campus.

This is our life these days. I miss Jon and our alone time.

We couldn't tithe to our church for the second month in a row. We are committed to our budget of not putting any expenses on the credit card each month, as we are frequently in debt. Unfortunately by following this plan we are not left with enough to write a tithe check. We are not okay with this. Not sure where else to cut corners.

Evangeline had her first day out of the "baby room" at Daycare and spent it in the "Toddler" room. She actually took a nap, which usually doesn't happen on Wednesdays so that was a big thrill and relief to me.

One of my students at the Middle School accused me of embarrassing her in front of the class. I didn't think I had done so, but it hurt to think I had done that to her or that she felt that way.

I absolutely adore my small group on campus. We studied John 4 last night and I loved it. I love that Jesus can tell me everything I have ever done, and offers me eternal life regardless. I love that God is seeking out all of the girls in the group and knows their stories, too.

I have needed a lot of pep talks lately, as the cost of ministry has seemed very, well, costly, especially since Evangeline was born. My boss with IV and my pastor at church greatly encouraged me this week.

Celebrating E's birthday at the pool was an absolute blast! We swam and splashed and swam and splashed to our hearts content.

I am currently procrastinating cleaning up the house by dumping all of my thoughts from the day onto my blog. Not the most productive use of my time. I think I will finish cleaning so that I can drink a ~~beer~~ chamomile tea and watch an episode of Glee on Hulu.

More Birthday Fun

2010-09-13T18:33:00.002-07:00

Click on the photo to see some of the others from E's big day!

Evangeline's Birthday 2010

Who needs hands?

2010-09-13T13:52:00.005-07:00

She started off hesitent.

She tasted.

She liked!

Big Sister

2010-09-08T20:27:00.008-07:00

I know what you're thinking, but no Evangeline is NOT going to be a big sister, at least not in the next nine months!

This post is about my big sister.

When Jon and I found out that we were having a girl, we knew immediately that she would be Evangeline. It was a lovely name with a beautiful meaning.

Good News.

Angel.

When trying to decide on a middle name, it was a little tougher. We wanted a family name, but didn't want to choose one mother's name over the other. So Cynthia and Elizabeth were out of the running.

But not long after finding out that she was a girl I knew what her middle name had to be.

There was no other family member who has influenced me more.

No other woman who I would want to raise Evangeline to be like.

Meghan.

My sister.

The woman who serves her family, her friends, and the lost, all it the name of the Lord.

The woman whose creativity, basketball skills and mothering are to be admired.

The woman who is celebrating being born today!

The Phillips Family loves you and wishes you a very happy birthday auntie Meghan!

12 months

2010-09-07T14:16:00.002-07:00

12 months + 3 grandparents coming into town + one pool party planned for Saturday = Evangeline is turning one!

In just a few days, my little angel will turn one. She will leave baby-dom for toddler-dom. You can count on an overly sentimental post coming soon, but for now enjoy a year in the life of Evangeline:

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Spash Pad Fun!

2010-09-06T15:09:00.004-07:00

Now that Evangeline is an all star at walking, we figured it was about time we took her to the splash pad for some summer fun! She was definitely the littlest kid there but held her own!

She was a little hesitant at first...

...but you can see from these pictures that she ended up having a blast!

Sept. Splash Pad

She couldn't get enough of all the water spraying her and wasn't afraid of all the wild and crazy big kids, either. This makes me even more excited for her birthday party on Saturday, which will be at a pool and splash pad!

This baby...

2010-08-14T13:35:00.001-07:00

was made for walking!

Being married to a man like Jon

2010-08-12T08:02:00.005-07:00

I can remember the first date we had, where we talked about sports and our families, Chile's never tasted so good!

I remember the first time he held my hand, the ringing in my ears and the feeling of being light headed that followed. No one has ever made me feel that way!

I remember snorkeling in Aruba, setting up our home together in Flagstaff, getting our first baby Seamus the Cat. We had such a happy, sweet, first year of marriage there!

I remember when we first moved to Tucson and him being so attentive as I cried about the heat and not having any friends.

I remember all the times he brought me breakfast in bed, gave me a back rub and watched a movie I wanted to see.

Being married to a man like Jon is knowing that no matter what the argument is about, no matter what's in the bank account, no matter how many times a night the baby is up, no matter how emotional and crazy I am, no matter how stressed we both are, no matter where in the world we are - I have a faithful husband who will always be gentle with me, always be there for me, and always be the kind of person I can be proud to say that I know.

Being married to a man like Jon is having a life full of happy moments to remember.

Happy Anniversary Love, thank you for making me even happier by being such a good father to Evangeline!

Hair today gone tomorrow?

2010-08-09T08:14:00.008-07:00

Evangeline, like her father, has been blessed with a beautiful head of hair. It is a lovely blond, with some occaisionnal curls. Perfect for bows.

Except that she always pulls the bows out of her hair.

Many of you are aware of the, um, tension that went on between Jon and I when he was insisting on growing out his mane a couple of years ago (we'll not mention the tragedy that occurred when trying to cut this mane into a mullet...)

Well, that tension has been resurrected but this time in the form of Evangeline's hair.

Jon wants to let it grow.

I want to cut it (not a lot, just enough to get those bangs out of her eyes!)

I have included several pictures to support my case, but what do you think?

See the poll over to your right? Vote and help us decide!

Example 1:

Example 2:

Example 3:

Standing and Walking

2010-08-04T17:16:00.004-07:00

That's pretty much what Evie likes to do these days. She doesn't like to let go very much yet, but has taken several steps on her own between Jon and I - so exciting! Throw in a visit from Grandma and Grandpa Phillips and our August is off to a great start!

Here are some recent pictures of our big bundle of joy:

Blossoming even as we gaze...

2010-07-28T08:37:00.006-07:00

Evangeline seems to be transforming from a baby to a little girl a little more each day. She has four teeth, is almost walking, eating 'big girl' food and learning at an incredible rate. I am finding myself in limbo - caught between wanting to hold on tightly to her 'babyness' and also enjoy all the ways she is growing.

She has learned what different words mean, so that now we can ask her to go get her ball, her book, and her lamb and she knows what that means and will go and retrieve those objects.

She keeps grabbing the spoon from my hand so that she can use it to feed herself.

She's giving hugs and kisses to Jon and I and to her favorite stuffed animals.

She points at everything and says "zat" (which we think is some form of "whats that" because Jon and I say that to her all the time!

It's incredible. Seeing her exhibit all of the things she has been learning from us over the past 10 months shows me how much her brain has been absorbing, and is also a good reminder that the language, actions and temperaments that we are modeling are the ones that she will adopt. Yikes!

At the same time I still love holding her, rocking and singing to her, her chubby baby thighs and all the ways she is still my little baby girl.

I think that as her first birthday approaches my emotions are going to become more and more heightened, as I have already listened to the song "Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof several times recently, tearing up each time. (Yes, I know I am ridiculous and sappy!)

Oh my sweet Evangeline - you are the greatest!

Here are some pics of her 'helping out' with laundry and dishes, and also some play time with her two favorite toys - her activity center and books.

(Yes, that is my sports bra around her neck. Moments before that she had put my underwear around her neck, before deciding that the sports bra was a better look.)

Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Pasta!

2010-07-26T11:44:00.002-07:00

Evangeline is pretty much eating everything we eat now, and it has been fun to share our dinners with her. This week she has had:
rice, beans and tortillas
chicken and veggie kabobs
grilled mahi mahi and baked potato

and the best (at least for cute video and picture purposes)... spaghetti!

Enjoy as much as she did!

Splash!

2010-07-26T11:35:00.002-07:00

The Bridegroom, The Shepherd

2010-07-22T10:52:00.003-07:00

When I speak with women – women who are my friends, my family, my students, co-workers – there is always a consensus that the act of giving up control of little and big things is a daily, ongoing battle. Having a child has only emphasized that I have NO CONTROL over anything.

No matter what strategies I try I cannot make Evie take a longer nap.

No matter how careful I am, she is going to come into contact with germs and get sick.

No matter how many times I clean up the house, it is guaranteed to look like a Toys R Us, a Laundromat and a baby food factory all exploded at the same time!

But even though I can fully acknowledge that I can’t control these things, I still carry the burden of needing to run a fruitful, organized house and raising a well-rested and healthy daughter.

I feel the same burden in ministry. My students’ personal lives, spiritual lives, the health of our chapter, and the campus as a whole – these are all things I want to control. It is hard not to let it affect me when I see students struggling, or when Jon and I can identify something harmful to the chapter or individuals but can’t change it.

These are my sheep, after all. Or are they?

The role of caring for them can quickly turn into a need to control them and control the circumstances surrounding their lives. Just like raising and nurturing Evangeline can quickly turn into a need to control her nap times (among other things).

It is difficult to find the balance between taking up the roles that God has called me to as a mother and as a staff worker and feeling like the failure or success of those roles lies solely on my shoulders.

The reality is that although I am caring for God’s sheep, both my students and my little girl, it is He who is the Great Shepherd. Not I.

John the Baptist shares this truth with his disciples in John 3:
"A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. 28You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, 'I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.' 29 The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. 30 He must increase, but I must decrease.

I am not the one with sheep. Jesus is.

I am not the one with a bride. Jesus is.

My students are the bride of Christ. Evangeline is the bride of Christ.

While I am so blessed that I get to participate in God’s work in raising a child and in caring for college students, rather than controlling (or having the illusion of control) I must decrease, and He must increase. He must become greater, and I must become less.

When I am creating bible studies, teaching, nurturing, cleaning, pastoring and discipling – I want God’s fingerprints, not my own, to be all over my students’ lives and my little girl’s life.

My prayer is that God would help me to give up control to Him, and allow Him to be the Great Shepherd and me to be a faithful steward of what He has lent to me.